Sweet Lady

Pastel de Tamal

2012-01-12T13:37:00.000-08:00

Ok so there's this thing called a "tamale pie." I was looking for good recipes to use for my soy crumbles and/or tempeh and I found various versions of this magical dish online. It's really more of a Mexicali Shepherd's Pie if you ask me (would that be "pastel al pastor!?"), but whatever it's delicious. I tweaked it a little bit and gave it some more Caribbean flavor. You can basically add whatever you like.

Seriously, I have to stop myself from eating too much. It's amazing. Check it:

This makes about 6 servings and cooks up quick (30 mins)!

Ingredients:

Filling -
1 medium onion, chopped
8oz of tempeh (crumbled) or soy crumbles
2 -3 cloves of garlic, minced or chopped
1/2 c. corn
1/2 green bell pepper
1 chopped serrano chile or jalapeno pepper
2 tsp. red wine vinegar
1 tsp maple syrup
1 cup tomato sauce (I used a tomato basil marinara because that's what I had)
1 can or 14 oz of black beans
1/2 tsp ground chile pepper
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp oregano
1 tsp paprika
1/2 tsp salt

Crust -
2/3 c cornmeal or Masa Harina cornmeal (I mentioned this in my tamale post)
1/3 c. whole wheat flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 cup soy milk
1 tbsp maple syrup
2 tbsp unsweetened applesauce
1 cup corn (I used frozen)
1/2 packet of Sazon seasoning (also mentioned in my tamale post)
1/3 c. of cheese (I used real cheese, but you could sub in low fat or non-dairy or just omit it completely)

Instructions:

1) I used my dutch oven right on the stove and transferred it to the oven, but you can do the prep for the filling by skillet and then dump it all into a casserole pan. Either way, start by sauteing your onions, peppers, and chiles until soft.
2) Once the onions are golden and soft, add the garlic and spices.
3) Mix well and add the vinegar. You could use red wine or apple cider vinegar.
4) This is where I toss in the soy crumbles. You could grate tempeh into the pan instead.
5) Here's where I add the tomato sauce and the beans and just let it all meld together for 10 minutes. Add a bay leaf if you want a deeper long-simmered flavor. Once it's done, set it aside and let it rest up.

The crust is what makes this awesome. It's like having a tamale/cornbread hybrid all hot and fluffy over your filling. Do you love tamales? Do you love cornbread? Are you alive? If you're alive you love both, end of story.

I just mixed all the crust ingredients together in a bowl and it turned out great. You could sub a can of creamed corn for the frozen corn and get more of a tamale-like consistently, but it might make this too heavy of a dish. By the way, unsweetened applesauce is super delicious. I don't think I've ever eaten organic applesauce without sugar added. It didn't even have cinnamon and I was totally into it! Who knew?

Once your crust is mixed, now comes the layering. You'll want to pat down your filling so there's a smooth surface, and then slowly pour out the crust and press it out over the top all the way to the edge. It will spread out a little so if you can't get it all the way to the edge, don't worry.

Cover that baby with cheese and bake it for 30-40 minutes (until the cheese is nice and golden).

If you wanted to make this super classy, you could probably bake it in individual-sized dishes. It would also be good topped with sour cream or salsa or even a few avocado slices. You could probably even do this gluten-free if that's your deal by subbing oat flour for the whole wheat flour.

The filling could be a great taco or burrito filling, by the way, just all by its lonesome. It's that good.

The new food thing is going great. I'm loving food again. And I'm enjoying the challenge of creating new flavors and working around small or zero meat portions. M. even tried broccoli. And he ate it. And liked it. I think that we're going to have to slowly ease him into vegetables, but he's game, so that's good!

Enjoy the new recipe! Wish me luck...this week I am looking at cars to buy with my teeny tiny budget. Here's hoping I get something nice!

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

2012-01-06T12:00:00.000-08:00

Aw, yeah, it’s 2012 y’all! (sometimes I’m a hip hop hype-woman for no reason). Now, for the past, oh, 4 years, I’ve celebrated the new year and pushed the old one out. I’ve given in to unadulterated hope that this next year will be the one that changes everything. This year will be great! I’ll turn it all around! And then I ruminate on how the last year was so awful. I’m not doing that this year. Clearly, the exercise is useless. Economic/emotional depression will either stay or go. All I can do is take hold of the every day.

I’m giving my notice on Monday to Wolfram & Hart. I cannot wait to release myself from the bad karma that place has placed on my soul. It was a job that provided for us when we needed it, but mostly It taught me a lot of things about myself and what I don’t want out of life. It made me realize that being a professor is my true calling and that I deserve to do what I love. I will not miss the stupid office politicking and jockeying for position, nor will I miss the misuse of my many varied skills! I took this week off to recover from the holidays and to prep for my spring semester classes. I ate way too much, worked way too hard on pleasing everyone, and didn’t really take care of myself or my apartment at all. Ugh. Have I mentioned that I hate laundry?

Onward (in two weeks) to professing! I am ecstatic about it. In addition to professoring, I hope to make some daily changes in keeping with my resolution this year to “be better.” That’s it. That’s the resolution. Little things, big things, just everything; I’m going to go at them with care and attention. Being more accountable, and just being a more moral upstanding person are part of this as well. I want/need/must change some things in terms of how I eat and think about eating. I have been using food as a kind of reward, a way to pass the time, and a way to make myself feel better during times when I can’t afford to buy clothes or take trips or go out to a movie. That’s changing now.

I’m not on a “diet” per se, but I’m trying to release some bad habits and become more accountable. I watched Forks over Knives, which is a good documentary about how processed foods and assumptions about meat and dairy have made us unhealthy. It’s a documentary that advises to eat a plant-based (vegan) diet and eliminate caffeine and processed sugars completely. Let’s be real, now, I can’t do all those things. If I cut all that out, I’ll fail at this thing. I do, however, want to stop being hypocritical about my lifestyle. I love animals, I know what they do to cows and pigs and chickens to get them to the grocery store. It’s hideous and wrong. I’m trying to cut out as much meat as possible, eat organically when I do eat meat, and truly think about where my food comes from. Even veggies and fruits have a life before they get to my table.

My mother worked for a time for a juice factory. Did you know that the beautiful fruit goes to the grocery store to be sold, and the ugly, almost spoiled (and partially spoiled) fruit goes to the factory to make juice? According to her, additives and coloring cover up much of the not-so-great flavor of these “natural” juices. Even companies like Naked Juice use this method (or “used” as this was years ago). I have been buying Ralphs brand orange juice because it’s cheapest and we’re broke. Is it worth it?

I decided that even though it’s more expensive to buy organic and additive-free, it’s worth the effort. And given the way I eat now, having to buy less food will only help my progress. My family has a history of diabetes and heart disease. My grandfather had several bypass surgeries and continued to eat rich cheeses and fried meats. The man lived well into his 80s, but he had his chest opened up more than 3 times. I’m a real big fan of my sternum, so I’ve got to do some preventative work.

I’m buying things I never thought I would buy. Seitan, tempeh, spelt flour, wild rice. And I’m trying to incorporate things I do love into my diet more often. I love vegetables. I love fruit.

I was vegetarian in the early 90s, and there weren’t half the things available then that we have now. Not only more choices in restaurants, but also at the regular grocery store. Trader Joes and Whole Foods are all close by and there are farmer’s markets in Long Beach, so I really have no excuse. I’m cutting out red meat entirely and replacing chicken and fish with hearty vegetable dishes whenever possible. M is likely not going to go as far into it as I am, but he said he’s interested in making healthy changes and trying new things.

So there’s that.

Other ways I’m trying to be “better,” include having a more positive outlook on my classes and the state of education in general. Giving more time to the craft and working on developing into a (more) worthwhile addition to any faculty that will have me.

I am a good wife (according to my husband anyway!) but there are little ways to be a better partner, like working my frustrations out through exercise instead of having “bad days” where I don’t want to do anything, or putting down the laptop and just hanging out when we watch TV or eat dinner. I’m notorious for being plugged in all the time.

Reaching low points (like tight size 16 jeans or a hideously schlubby DMV photo) has propelled these changes, but I hope they are long lasting, and make me feel better about the world I live in. My cat and dog have to grow up in this world. It’s got to be good for them.

Return of the Professor

2012-01-02T11:52:00.000-08:00

Dear 2012, I'm seriously going to kick your ass. My time has come and I'm going to take it people! I am about to start teaching again. It is a hopeful, joyful, happy feeling I can't begin to describe. I took this first week of the year off just to prep for my classes. I am also doing some professional writing. I don't think I have truly acknowledged to myself that I am indeed going to be a professor again. But I know things are looking up because I'm doing a ton of novel reading (even ones with downbeat themes), I'm writing lots (in a journal), and I'm all "thinky" all the time. I guess I could say I'm ponderous, or intellectually stimulated, or philosophical, but the real me calls it "thinky" so there.

My foray back into academia is going to require a few things:

1) Learning how to speak for hours at a time again. This involves having water and tea handy at all times.

2) Remembering how to dress like a professional after months of working at home. I may have to wear something other than my one pair of favorite jeans.

3) Using words like "thinky" inside my head only. There's going to have to be a lot of "inside" words, actually.

4) Writing and publishing as much as possible.

5) Remembering I'm Dr. Sweet Lady now. Dr. Sweet Lady brooks no foolishness! She has student loans to pay and does not need to hear excuses and requests for extended deadlines. Dr. Sweet Lady also stays around and does more student support stuff.

Some of these things I'm working on, others I'll have to deal with on the fly.

Here's to a great 2012 for all of you. If it's the apocalypse year, I hope you, like me, die in the first wave. It's really the only way to do the apocalypse right.

The People of the Book - Review

2011-12-28T17:44:00.000-08:00

I just finished The People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks. I listened to it via audio book, my new favorite way of reading. I guess because I like to multi-task, but also I think I savor books more when I’m forced to hear every line, every word. And it’s nice to hear this particular book because of all the accents needed for the large cast of characters. My inner voice can do many accents, but I’m really bad at Australian, and the central character is Australian. I also don’t hold a big command over Bosnian. Both are big players here.

My inner voice can do Spanish, Italian, Russian, Arabic, and many kinds of British accents, however. It’s really good at narrating Cockney, which is always phonetically written, anyway. I don’t know that many languages, though. I learned French in high school and in college. I was born to a Spanish-speaking household, and learned it as my first language. When I was four, as I was being prepared to go to pre-school, English became my home language. My parents still spoke Spanish, and my grandparents spoke it exclusively, but I spoke English. To this day, I understand a great deal, and can speak about half of it back. I can read it pretty well, but my ability to speak my inner-most feelings, or discuss something academic, those areas are lacking. I’m at about a 4th grade level where that’s concerned, sadly. I often thought one day I’d live in Spain or someplace where I could really be immersed in Spanish and get it “back” so to speak. That hasn’t happened. My degrees are primarily in American culture and history, though I did take more than a few classes on Middle Eastern history in my BA program.

That interest was fueled by a lot of things. Primarily that Muslims were presented as mysterious and backwards just about everywhere, and I was curious about the culture. But also because I was often mistaken for a Muslim, or an Iranian, or a Persian, or an Arabic girl. And in my mind all of those cultures sort of swam together. Even when I was little, my mother said that the Arab dealers at the LA swap meets would ask her if she was babysitting a little Arab girl. I assume that it may have something to do with my father’s heritage. My mother’s people came from Ireland and Spain. Her family is short, very pale skinned, and some even have blue or green eyes. My father, however, comes from a family of tall men, with dark skin, and deep brown-black eyes. I look like a combination of both parents, but I got wavy dark hair, brown eyes, a large nose, and full lips. I’ve always seen myself as a kind of racial chameleon as a result. Nobody guesses my ethnicity straight away. And people love to ask. “What are you?” is a question I got a lot. Not just from rednecks either. Teachers, lawyers, professionals, fellow graduate students, even a professor or two. I always ask the person to tell me what they think I am. Cuban-American, as you can imagine, is never the answer. I rarely even get Latin or Spanish or Mexican. Mostly, people play it safe with Italian (my last name is sort of Italian) or “Persian.” I’m a strange mix to begin with, and I grew up in mixed-up southern California. My cultural heritage is a jumble.

The book is about how people from all different cultures and circumstances came together to preserve a book (the Sarajevo Haggadah, a real book btw) on principle. The book itself, the earliest illuminated Jewish Haggadah, is a testament to sharing cultural heritage. It is a jewish document created in Spain, illustrated by an African slave, using iconography and stylistic conventions of Muslims and Christians. It is sheltered and secreted away through the many bouts of anti-semitism and “ethnic cleansing” that plagued Europe since the 1400s. It ends up in Sarajevo as a result of the good will and sacrifice of Muslims, Christians, and Jews. It also almost gets destroyed by the bad will of people from the same groups. It’s a miracle it survives. It hit at a lot of my interests and background. It’s about a mishmash of ethnicities, races, and languages coming together (and the histories around and between them), it’s about a BOOK, it has strong female characters who talk about and do all kinds of things, and it has a nice little mystery (several mysteries really). And it is about how both simple and complex circumstances alter the course of a document’s history, and thus cultural history. I hearted it.

If you liked Devil in the White City, The Historian, or are interested in European Jewish history you’ll probably enjoy this book. I was obsessed with it for days.

For people who’ve already read it, I have some questions:

What did you think of the character of Hannah’s mother? Were the sacrifices she made in her life worth it, as she claimed?
What do you think of the romance aspect of Hannah’s storyline?
Some awful things happened in the history of the people of this particular book. Which was hardest for you to deal with? Did any part of the book require you to stop or step away?

Message me or comment below!

Astrology Is Fake

2011-11-21T22:23:00.000-08:00

Weird list of people born the year I was born:

Orlando Bloom
Shakira (whatWHAT?!)
James Van Der Beek
Gerard Way (of My Chemical Romance, which now has no sympathy from me for being so lame. He should know better) #gothongothcrime
Sarah Michelle Gellar (Smidge!)
Zachary Quinto
Kanye West (way immature, if you ask me)
Elisabeth Hasselbeck (way immature, if you ask me)
Tom Brady
Plaxico Burress
Ludacris (yay!)
John Mayer (gross)

Weird list of people born the same year as my mom:

Grandmaster Flash
Lorenzo Lamas
Ellen Degeneres
Ice T
Andy Gibb
Gary Oldman
Alec Baldwin
Prince
Bruce Campbell
Kevin Bacon (degrees!)
Belinda Carslisle!
Madonna!
Tim Burton
Lita Ford
Joan Jett (whoa)
Simon Le Bon
Nikki Sixx (this grossed me out. Especially since Kat Von D was born in 1982)

How about a weird list of people born the same year as my grandmother (mom’s mom):
Elvis Presley
Bob Denver
Dudley Moore
Donald Sutherland
Ron Paul
Geraldine Ferraro
Eldridge Cleaver
Jerry Lee Lewis
Edward Said
Woody Allen
Cal Ripken Sr.

Just goes to show, there's no such thing as being born under a bad sign or universal generational realities. Radically different stuff from all corners.

Randomness at its best folks!

Friday Finds!

2011-11-18T16:32:00.000-08:00

And it is FINALLY Friday. I'm beyond pleased. I have started and then bailed on 5-6 blog topics in the past few weeks. Work has been crazy busy. One of those kinds of weeks where I log on to my email and there are at least 6 fires to put out. And I gotta deal with getting them put out. Blurgh.

Anyway, Friday is here and I can dream of shopping. Have I mentioned that M. got a job? He did, so we're not as super stretched money wise, but we took a huge hit the last three years. It will be nice to get our credit cards back to normal. So I can't really shop.

But...if I could shop for myself, these would be high on the list:

Seychelles make very comfy dressy shoes, so these caught my eye: ($94 on Amazon)

Books, of course, I've been trying to avoid buying. I've snuck a few in, but these would be extra awesome, both on Amazon:

This vintage 1960s compote would look beautiful in my kitchen, but at $76, prolly not gonna happen:

If you've got the shekels, it's at Barking Sands Vintage on Etsy.

Have I mentioned that I'm carless. I have no car. No way to get around while M. is at work. In California. I know, it's a tragedy, right? I've been coping. I have a Ralph's supermarket within walking distance and I have my weekends. I do miss having a car, though. I want a little hatchback. Something shiny. Pretty. Something that works:

If you've got a spare lying around, email me. I'm all for cars as gifts. I won't even make you put one of those giant bows on it....

October Update

2011-10-11T00:06:00.000-07:00

Hey people! I've been busy and happy and am freaked out about being broke, but what else is new, right? We've been back a month and things are shaping up nicely around here. It's definitely a relief to have some room for creativity. My office/craft room is overloaded right now, since it's the catch-all room, but I've worked in some nice stations where organization is working:

Getting bookshelves was key to feeling home. I went with Billy bookcases again, but this time we decided to go with black. First of all, they were cheap as hell. $50 instead of $70 was a deciding factor. But also I liked the idea of dark backgrounds for the books. And once they were built and loaded, I liked it even more.

I was totally inspired by this picture:

I occasionally search "home library" in Google images and collect fantasy images. This one with the charcoal walls and black bookcases made me think differently about my future library. I liked it!

Anyway, I worked on some projects in the last month, including this mirror that hides my collection of necklaces. I had a version of this at the old place, but I reinforced and prettified it here. I laid a layer of cardboard down and glued it to the back of the mirror surface. The last time I did this, I just pasted the cork tiles on the back of the mirror and the earrings I hung gouged out some of the silvery mirror layer. So this time, a layer of cardboard, a layer of cork tiles, and then a layer of dark brown corduroy fabric made for a nicer look and hopefully a more sturdy place to hang my costume jewelry.

I've been cooking again! We're trying to be better about making tasty meals without spending a lot on groceries. Doing things like making felafel from scratch is part of that. I experimented with a recipe from the web and found a decent felafel facsimile. There's something missing though.

Don't get me wrong, it tasted good, looked great, and was the right texture, but I guess there's something that I can't quite explain. Any tips on good felafel?

Our dog Radley is super happy to see his old pals, including his first love, Marley. Here she is on our couch, tired after an afternoon of wrestling. Radley's trying to be tough for the camera, but he's wavering and ready for sleeps.

He's taken to undoing my made bed. The sheets, pillows, and blanket are all pushed back when he wants to nap in the bedroom. He's a burrower. It's too adorable to even be mad about:

I've been getting in the crafty spirit for my favorite month of the year. These ladies are in the Sweet Lady Shop, along with a bunch of other new stuff. Check out the store for new product and the blog for freebies!

I had a food epiphany when my neighbor (Marley's dad) had me try his tomatillo chicken enchiladas. I had previously had a serious aversion to green salsa (aka salsa verde). I don't know why. Maybe it involves the color, the consistency, but mostly it's likely the legend of the "wet green." The "wet green burrito" sold by Miguel's Jr. in the town where I went to high school was gross looking. Also it became the nickname of a girl I knew who had green hair and was horrifying in many different ways. Let's just say the concept of the "wet green" haunts me still. It kept me from the awesomeness that is roasted tomatillo salsa. I tried his enchiladas and had to make my own. So I roasted tomatillos, onions, green peppers, garlic, a chile pepper, and pulsed it all in the food processor.

It created amazing enchiladas.

I can't get over the way it looks, but it smelled so good it was worth it.

Seriously, I'm a convert. I no longer need ranchera sauce for my enchiladas. Which is a big.huge.deal!

I think my embrace of the tomatillo is indicative of my new outlook as a repatriated Californian (dude, I know I wasn't gone that long, just humor me ok?). I am all about reinterpreting my environment and my life in a way that is positive and forward-thinking. I'm not lingering on the past and I'm not giving in. I'm trying to appreciate things I took for granted.

I have a great husband, a great outlet for my artistic side, and a future that involves teaching again! I just have to keep my head up and look forward.

Here's to the fall and all the good things that come with it.

cheers!

Forever 31

2011-09-28T22:29:00.000-07:00

So this is what's happening at Forever 21:

I don't exactly know what to say except that these are the worst outfits of all time. My aforementioned hatred of short shorts notwithstanding, pithy saying on t-shirts? REALLY?

Apparently, I have grown too old for Forever 21. Because these are crimes. If this is what 21 year-olds are wearing, they are hideous creatures. I'm not saying all the clothes were horrible, but there certainly was a theme.

I would like to call for a shop called Forever 31. Affordable clothing that has lots of a-line skirts that hit above the knee, ladylike dresses, shirts that go past the waist, blouses that highlight the ladies up top and camouflage the belly below. I don't want any shirts that say "Easy Breezy."

Any tips on shops (online or off) that are cheap, stylish, and carry clothes in sizes above an 8?

Martha Rings in the Season

2011-09-21T19:37:00.000-07:00

It's that time again! Martha has come out with her yearly Halloween magazine, and even though I'm broke, I bought it. I also bought her regular Martha Stewart Living magazine because she always hides two or three amazing Halloween ideas there. First of all, the cover of the Halloween mag is amazing:

Yes that's right she's some kind of moth creature. In fact, if you turn to the cheeseball DIY costume section, you'll see she's "Motha." Motha. For realz.

There are some really cool food things in this issue. Usually Halloween food is really kitschy. Zombie fingers, eyeballs, basically anything severed. I am not so into the gory imagery. I like blood, but not gore. So I was happy to see the classy dark purple and deep turquoise palette.

Blue corn tortillas make for some lunar quesadillas, and peppercorns dress some kind of roasted meat:

These shriveled vegetables look like something Tim Burton would draw:

It's all about the dark plates, dark tablecloths, and dark food. There were other things though, like these chocolate covered Oreos with the skull marshmallows:

This pumpkin cemetery is a good way to show off pumpkins without carving them:

Of course, she had to hide some things in the other magazine, forcing me to learn how to make gorgeous pot pies and other fall delicacies.

In it are cool DIY decorations like these:

Cheese cloth and styrofoam mannequin heads.

Plaster of Paris casts of your own hands make really personal candle holders. I think, however, these may be used for nefarious purposes as the party gets...tipsy. But still...awesome!

By far, the most hilarious project is this apple wreath:

All you need is 134 apples! Apples you'd love to rot on your door/wall.

The best part of all of this is that fall is officially here and my own personal Halloween wreath is going on the front door as soon as I perfect it. Pictures will be forthcoming!

True Blood Season Finale

2011-09-12T21:25:00.000-07:00

As another season comes to an end, it's time to reflect, give thanks, and make some wish lists for next year. I thought this time I would alter the format of my review somewhat. In an effort to be a little spontaneous, and to include some gems that M. gives out while watching, this review happened in real time. FYI this episode takes place on Halloween.

9:00 - It is so annoying how I have to sacrifice like 3-4 minutes at the beginning of each episode to watch the same promo for Boardwalk Empire. I tried to like you Boardwalk Empire, but I just couldn't get into you. Now stop slowly rolling through my True Blood time!

9:06 - Lafayette's Cottage: Ok, so we start with the recap of what happened last week and head right into Lafayette possessed by Marnie. How does Jesus not know that something is wrong with Lafayette here? He has absolutely no sass, nor does he provide us with hilarious bon mots! This should be a huge glaring alarm bell to Jesus, you know, the only person who knows that Lafayette is a conduit for every crazy lady who ever died in Bon Temps. Red flag, Jesus.

9:08 - Credits! My favorite parts of the credits are 1) the kids with berries all over their faces, 2) God Hates Fangs, 3) lacy panties lady, and 4) creepy night time baptism. Nothing good can come of a night time baptism, folks.

9:10 - Sookie's Kitchen: You know, I never really realized it before, but Sookie has the most giant sink I’ve ever seen. Also, I know some shit's gone down and Tara and Sookie bonded over defeating Marnie and all, but damn...Tara didn't even ask if Eric is in his hidey hole in the house. I'd think a little convo about how Sookie's dating someone who once tortured Lafayette is in order here.

9:12 - Tommy Micken's Funeral: Well, Tommy, your character had so many plots to drive. Connecting Sam to the Mickenses so we could see how Sam's not always a good guy, giving Sam trouble at work and in his personal life, and creating a reason for the worst pack leader ever to meet his maker. And after all that work, now you don't even have a real grave marker. Still, the saddest part of this scene was when Maxine Foytenberry told Sam she'd bring him by a pork rind casserole. That casserole's existence is totally meaningless because no one will eat it.

9:16 - Some kind of hole-digging site where Hoyt works alone (since Lafayette and Jason no longer work with him): Jason tells Hoyt about his tryst with Jessica, after which Hoyt counters with the most appropriate and amazing statement: “You make fucked up, selfish piece of shit choices.” Kudos Hoyt, for being smarter when you're angry. I bet if Sookie read your mind now it wouldn't be all butterflies and bird chirps, would it?

9:19 - Merlotte's Bar: Arlene and Terry have decided to go as zombies for Halloween, and Arlene proclaims that “zombies are the new vampires.” I disagree, Arlene. Vampires can be sexy, but zombies are rotting. Rotting is never sexy.

9:21 - Sam's office at Merlottes:“Nobody likes an angry bunny.” As punishment for not being in the Halloween spirit, Sam makes Sookie wear bunny ears (and her regular outfit) as she waits tables. She tries to get out of it, but he pretty much forces it. This reminds me of the concept of the punishment costume, one of the most amazing things I have ever heard of (I believe this is Joey Grana related) . It goes something like this: if you have a costume party and someone shows up without one, you have at the ready several punishment costumes that they will then be forced to wear. The creepier the better, like the top of a chicken costume, but the bottom is just a ratty bathrobe. Or a dildo helmet. This way, people who were planning on being "too cool" for a costume party are now re-entered into the costume community and punished at the same time. It's practically a Puritan concept.

9:23 - Lafayette's cottage: Now Marnie/Lafayette has Jesus tied to a chair and she unforgivably forces him to listen to her diatribe about how Halloween has become a holiday all about trivializing and insulting witches. She spews with venom that it's become about children and candy, at which point M. declares, “Hey, take it easy on candy lady.” Anyway, it's truly ridiculous that Marnie can steal Jesus' demon magic. If you can just steal magic, why not go around stealing bunches of it and then gear up for a war against vampires? Ugh. Also, I just now noticed that badMarnie wears a fitted zip up leather jacket, while good/doofyMarnie wore boho dresses and peasant skirts. Anyway, she sticks a knife in Jesus, who gives up his own life to save Lafayette (like that other Jesus).

9:27 - Merlottes: Alcide tells Sookie about how he broke it off with Debbie. He gives her a Brain vz. Heart speech and declares, “I’m done with the drama.” Oh, Alcide. Have you met Sookie? You just passed Drama 101 with Debbie and went straight to graduate level, dear.

9:28 - Lafayette's Cottage: Of course Tara finds Jesus. Fucking seriously, Tara? Do we really scream at the top of our lungs at the sight of a murdered loved one anymore? Isn't that sort of like turning a big ol' target on aimed right at you?

9:29 - Parking lot of Merlotte's: Sookie and Holly chat while Holly lights up a joint, and at this point we find out that Sookie has tried MARIJUANA?! Book Sookie would be so aghast at the thought.
Of course right then Tara screams up to the gals and lets them know Marnie/Lafayette is on the loose. M. felt bad for Holly, who is, as he put it, “four rips high straight into that drama.”

9:31 - Bill's mansion's front lawn/vampire sacrifice pole: Eric and Bill are hilariously tied up together shirtless above a pile of wood about to be burned up by Marnie/Lafayette, who likes to wait for an audience before summoning her demon spirit to....light a fire? Anyway, best part about this scene is old Bill's severe annoyance with Eric. “I liked you better when you were brain damaged” + eye roll. That's so King Bill!

9:37 Still on Bill's lawn: Apparently you can summon ghosts on Halloween to help you by wandering zombie-like towards your opponent and saying "pretty please" until she relents. Unless your grandma is one of them. She just knocks a bitch out.

After Marnie is sufficiently convinced to walk into the light, Gran leaves Sookie with some depressing parting words about how she shouldn't be afraid to be alone because everyone ends up alone when they die. Jesus Christ, Gran. Now I'm afraid to die. Thanks.

9:39 - Rear of Merlotte's: Ghosts are everywhere in Bon Temps. Arlene gets a visit from Rene, and it appears that in the afterlife you still have a fake cajun accent. Who knew? Also, not for nothing Rene, but you aren't really in the best position to give advice to people. Although, he was really into raping and murdering but never once raped or murdered Arlene. That says something, I guess.

9:40 - Jason's house: Jessica is dressed up as sexy Red Riding Hood, right? The sex scene is boring me, but it gave me time to ruminate on how much cooler the story would have been with Jason as a werepanther. I mean, what happened to the inbred Hotshot folks after their main dudes were dispatched? Who's cooking the meth now? How are they getting the burlap sacks they need for their winter wardrobes? Did they find another ghostdaddy? Why is he a ghost if he's just an alive guy that impregnates every girl in the pack?

9:43 - Fangtasia: First of all, Fangtasia got so little action this season, and I'm bummed about that. But True Blood made it all up to me with Pam’s tantrum and Ginger's attempt at consoling her via a hug. Pam's had a tough year, y'all. Not only did her maker go missing and then get found all dumb and stuff, but her face rotted off. A lot. And she got all dressed up for the black-suited witch war only to find that her maker and Bill were willing to die that Sookie Stackhouse might live. She did what she had to, she broke up that loser party with a rocket propelled grenade. And she was punished for her awesomeness. Poor Pam was so good at being vampire sad. "Don't touch me" = "hugz pls"

9:45 - Bill's vampwich couch: I think what really makes this not interesting to me is that Bill and Eric are wearing matching pinstriped robes. Which is fine and good because Sookie totally ruins it anyway by talking about their relationship triangle. She says goodbye to both, which is much smarter than Book Sookie. And yet somehow I don't believe a word she says.

9:55 - Jason's House: Vampire Steve Newlin! Did not expect that. Also, I don't really care for it either. I feel like Newlin's FOTS didn't need him any longer now that fat dudes with cell phone cameras were hanging around outside of Fangtasia.

9:56 - Herveaux construction project site: Are those Russel Edgington's cement-covered chains? Because I've missed him so.

9:59 - Bill's Office: Dude, they are really squeezing a lot into these last couple of minutes. Oh Nan…you had it coming honey, but I'm sad to see you go. Vampires need bureaucrats/bottom line politicians, and she was the best at yelling at Bill. Bill and Eric make a good murdering team. I'd totally be on their murdering team if they didn't sometimes decide to both kill themselves.

10:00 - Sookie's House: Debbie fucking Pelt with a shotgun, just like the book! I'm totally liking this and it makes complete sense. OMG! Tara’s dead! Sookie outright murders Debbie even though she could grant her mercy! Holy crap! That kitchen needs a really, really good cleaning.

I think we can all admit here that Debbie was one of the most fleshed out, real, damaged characters on the show. And Tara was a real character who got turned into a punching bag. Either way, it got M and I thinking that there sure are a lot of dead bodies hanging around Bon Temps all the time, and not a lot of cops.

Big things folks, big things. Body count this season:

Sophie-Ann Leclerq
Melinda Mickens
Joe Lee Mickens
Tommy Mickens
Felton Norris
Claudine
Marcus Bozeman
Marnie Stonebrook
Marnie's long haired lackey from the 1990s
Tara Thornton
Debbie Pelt
Nan Flanagan
Jesus Velasquez
Louisiana vampire sheriffs (except Eric), including Luis Patino, former priest/rapist

That doesn't even count the new dead people we found out about, like that lady and her baby, and various witches from 400 years ago, and vampires who walked out into the sun on account of Antonia's curse, and...well...you get the picture.

I'm glad to see the story might thin out a bit, given that some characters are no longer with us. Here's hoping season 5 introduces a stronger, less naive Sookie. I'd like to see her come into her own.

Au Revoir season 4!

Back Home

2011-09-11T20:59:00.000-07:00

I'm back! I've actually been back a week, but I didn't have the energy to blog. Wah wah, anywayz. Our move went well, even though there were a few stumbling blocks. Namely my knee, which is still in a brace for a couple more weeks. I couldn't load or unload, but I was able to shift boxes around, take care of calling the moving company, and unpack. Another stumbling block? Torrential rain during the loading of our stuff, after which a hurricane threatened our departure. We got out ok, and thankfully nobody we know dealt with any hurricane-related issues.

The drive took four and a half days. M. was afraid that my leg would lock up at the wrong time, or that my healing would be affected by having to keep my leg in one place all day, so I didn't do any of the driving. Believe me, I tried to offer, but he was all warrior like and took one for the team.

Our new place is gorgeous! I know, it's in the same complex we left, but still, my landlord did all kinds of nice things. A brand new (regular sized) refrigerator, over-the-stove microwave, and new faux hardwood flooring. The coup de grace? He had the pink decaying tile in the bathroom professionally refinished. White shiny tiles against white walls. The whole place was recently painted. So fresh, so clean!

I have so much more room. Not only are we in a two bedroom now, which alleviates a hell of a lot of space issues, but my kitchen has tons of storage. I can't wait to show you all the befores and afters. I started work on Tuesday (telecommuting from my box-laden office), and worked hard after work each day with M. to get things organized. Really, it took until yesterday to have a decent living space.

Not only is it great to have a nice new place and to feel good vibes about it, but a lot of our old neighbors are still here. My mom was shocked that so many people came up to give us hellos and hugs. Radley's reunion with his doggie friends (and people friends) was as adorable as I expected.

Some regrets? I couldn't stop and visit my friend Justine in St. Louis on the ride over. The trip back was laid out a little differently, and it was either kill ourselves driving too much, or drive a small amount and end up driving into the night on our last day. Sorry Justine! Also, my last week in Philly was kind of screwed by the whole knee injury, so I didn't get to say goodbye to everyone the way I wanted. I would have loved to do a happy hour with the work folks. Oh well, we'll always have the earthquake lemon drop shots of 2011.

Did I mention that? Our building was evacuated after the measly lil earthquake in Philly and out of boredom, a couple of gals from the office did what any self-respecting person would do. We went to the bar next door to our building and had shots before going back up to work.

Anyway, I'm back in sunny beautiful southern California! I'm about to watch True Blood's season finale (review to come tomorrow), Halloween stuff is coming to the stores, and my outlook is surprisingly upbeat. More pictures of food, crafts, and my thoughts on random crap to come!

NYC Sights and Nightlife Calamities

2011-08-15T17:22:00.000-07:00

Even though we're totally broke and set to move back to California in two weeks, M and I decided we should see NYC at least once before we go. A birthday celebration of sorts, since I just turned 34 on Friday. Luckily, we have some friends who have access to an apartment in Korea Town and we were able to make it a cheap trip by going there via bus. So our friends (a couple) and us made our way up there and took in the sights on Saturday.

We went to Times Square, where I got to go to the Harry Potter Exhibit (really cool). We walked up to the Guggenheim from there by strolling through Central Park. After the Guggenheim we took a cab back home to relax and freshen up for dinner. We took in the sights of the city from our apartment's roof top first:

We headed down to Chinatown for dinner and had dumplings and other glorious things at Shanghai Cuisine.

After stuffing ourselves, we walked through Little Italy and made our way to an amazing dive bar called St. Jerome's on the lower east side that fulfills the five basic dive desires:

1) almost no lighting
2) small and cozy, with booths and plenty of bar stools
3) cheap drinks. Yeah, I found cheap drinks in Manhattan. $6.50 for a call cocktail. Not bad.
4) great music chosen by the staff and/or DJ (not patrons)
5) good bartenders, who know not to pour too heavy of a drink, and who aren't wearing tight polo shirts.

There were totally bizarre fashion mistakes in this bar that I have to detail here just to make sure I remember them years from now. First of all, culottes. I have mentioned to everyone who will listen that this "shorts" thing is totally out of control in 2011. In Philadelphia, short shorts are worn by everyone. EVERYONE. From 11 year olds (inappropriate) to large moustachioed dads (inappropriate) to 400 lb 45 year old ladies with bad wigs (inappropriate). The short short (like with the pockets that come out the bottom) is de rigeur. In New York City, there is also a shorts thing happening. Now, maybe my survey only consisting of one dirty dive bar on the lower east side is not accurate, but damn, at least 4 ladies wore culottes. You know what they are, right? A high waisted short (blah!) that is flouncy and almost skirt-like. I remember them from being a five year old girl.

So, ladies were walking around in culottes. There was a guy wearing what I believe were striped pajama bottoms and a vest. Just a vest. Like an outfit a performing monkey would wear.

He danced like a nutjob right next to our booth along with his friend, whom I refer to as "the sacrifice" because she had super short hair and wore a white muslin dress that seemed to me to be "potato sack" in design. She danced like a total maniac. The kind of dancing that consists mostly of jumping and twirling and kicking. Yes, kicking high kicks. They were having a great time, but they were dangerously (obnoxiously) close to our table, so I changed places with my friend and was Lady of the Jutting Elbows for the rest of the evening. My elbow just so happen to graze those who entered the circle of space. Anyway, the ladies all looked like they had raided Sabrina the Teenage Witch's closet. Lots of pastel flouncy printed pattern things. But it was such good entertainment! And the music was great. The DJ would periodically go behind the bar to get a drink and comb his bangs over his perfectly placed bandana. The bar back looked like a cross between one of the Daggers from Thrashin' and one of the Ramones. Completely amazing.

Ah, a good time was had by all. Despite my "dive bars shouldn't have dancing" rule, I actually eventually participated. My group was enjoying the music, getting up next to our booth and dancing to songs I can't even remember now but seemed like completely inspired choices at the time. We were laughing, having a few drinks. Even M was dancing. That, my friends, is a little Big Apple miracle. And then, the calamity happened.

Remember last year when I fell comedically because my dog saw a squirrel? I laughed at it even then. It inspired me to do a silly cartoon of myself. Yeah, this fall didn't have that same devil-may-care attitude about it. Mostly because something totally DISLOCATED.

Ok, so let me back up. It's like 1:30am. We're dancing. I'm teaching my friends the gothic dances I learned in college (bats around my face, vacuum the floor/dust the ceiling, stacking the CDs, you know, the basics). I was in the same spot, enjoying the music, doing my thing with a limited range of motion because I'm between the bar and the booth and I'm also chatting. And either someone spilled a drink or the storm that had just begun outside was tracked in, wetting the floor. Because I slipped.

I totally freaking slipped. I decided, as I fell, that I should under no circumstances FALL IN A BAR. So I reached for the table, which was not at all bolted to the floor. I then managed to pull all the drinks and the votive candle right onto my brother in law as I hit the floor and landed on my bum. My knee twisted on the way down. I got help up and sat in the booth when I realized that my right kneecap was way too far to the right. I had dislocated my kneecap. Brother in law kindly looked at my knee and tried to calmly explain to me that now we had to go to the emergency room. And I frowned big time. I've never been to the emergency room. I've accompanied others, but I've never had a medical emergency. Baby's first medical emergency at 34 years (and a day) old.

I made peace with the utter awfulness of having to go to an ER on my birthday vacation, and stood up, when it popped right back into place. A miracle! A New York miracle! Alicia Keys is right. It's a concrete jungle where dreams are made of! There's nothing you can't do! And then I tried to walk. Not happening. I couldn't put weight on it. M was beside himself with worry. I never do this kind of thing.

Ugh.

After hobbling through a torrential rain storm to hail a cab, we got home. We all started to wake up around 11 am the next morning. It was pouring rain and encircling our apartment was the Dominican Pride parade. So we woulda been trapped anyway. I'm glad I got to do a bunch of cool things before it happened, because there was no way I was going to be able to get around in the rain on my bum leg.

I convinced myself that going to my doctor on Monday was a good idea. We got on the bus and went home. After a visit to my doctor and then shuttling over to an orthopedic surgeon for a good look at my knee, I'm currently in a big brace that protects my kneecap from slipping out again.

Someone's totally worried about the new leg brace

So the trip (for the most part) was awesome, but the slipping thing totally blew.

Not only did I fall, in public, in a bar. I did so without any kind of grace or endearing clumsiness. I wasn't even all that tipsy. I just fucking fell. Boom. And since I've gained weight since my last public fall, I immediately felt embarrassed and horrified. Fat girl falls. Hahahaha! Right? I refused out of sheer stubbornness (and probably shock) to cry. Not only am I a bigger girl, I'm an older gal too. Tick tock, right? Now falling equals expensive treatment and lengthy rehab time. And probably a hilarious YouTube video.

I'm supposed to be able to walk on it and heal up in about 3-4 weeks. During that time, however, I'm moving across country. Including driving across country. Now M. has to bear the burden of a lot more physical labor and our limited budget just went to copays and a full day off work. Plus, we're probably going to need to pay movers for our unload.

I want to be happy about the good things, that I had a great time in NYC before the fall. But damn I am totally hating myself for really messing the next few weeks up by not being athletic enough to catch myself on the way down. I'm plagued with thoughts that had I been healthy and thin, I could bounce around like that whirling dervish girl, who had been laughing and dancing so dangerously carefree not an hour before. I would have blushed and been helped up and had continued dancing. I get that it's an accident and that I didn't do it on purpose. But maybe I could have prevented the situation by taking more responsibility for my health, being more aware of my surroundings, having good reflexes. Maybe sitting out the dancing portion of the evening.

So that happened.

Tomorrow I go in for an MRI before work. Here's hoping it's just a sprained knee. No fractures or breaks showed up on the x-ray, but the orthopedist wants to make sure I didn't do too much damage to my tendon. But I'm in that sexy brace for another 3 weeks at least. No crutches, which is good. I hope things look up as I make my way westward. I think the east coast has really done a number on me this past year...

Telecommuting

2011-08-04T16:35:00.000-07:00

My hateful job at Wolfram & Hart continues. I was hoping to leave it behind, but I don't start teaching until January, so I've got to earn. I asked if I could telecommute on a whim and they said yes. Which means I'll be working from my apartment in Long Beach. I'm glad I'll keep money and health care coming in, but still a tad bit bummed on the continuance of my involvement with evil. How best to make this a livable existence? Telecommuter Outfits.

I think the major draw of working from home is that you don't have to drive to work or wear office clothes. You can, the dream goes, work in your pajamas. My job will be primarily email and sometimes phone, so I'd like to envision it with positivity and come up with some awesome outfits that I couldn't wear to the headquarters, which has a strict dress code that (hand to God) differentiates between cargo capri's with little ties at the bottom (bad!) and without (good).

My plan:

You Never Expect the Spanish Inquisition

2011-07-31T20:40:00.000-07:00

True Blood Season 4 (So Far) Review

You know, I had high hopes for season 4. It's the season of AmnesiaEric! Of werepanther Jason! Of Witchy Witches who are weres hopped up on vampire blood.

Yeah, well.

TV Amnesia Eric seems really lame. His vulnerability is child-like, whereas book Eric was introspective, scared sometimes, and yet still very manly. And the outfit. THE OUTFIT. Dear lord. How Sookie falls in love with this version of Eric I do not know. But Eric's essential superiority complex is totally gone. In the book he was a kind of combo, but here he seems totally defanged. It's not sexy. The speech he gave to Bill tonight about how he'd gladly go to his death and he hopes Sookie and Bill find a way back to each other? Blech. I hope when he gets his memories back and realizes how totally embarrassing he is to vampires everywhere, he feels what I'm feeling right now.

Also unsexy? Rotting Pam. A Pam who sold Eric out to Bill fucking Compton. Even as king, Pam would lie through her teeth and send Bill on a wild goose chase. I am thoroughly disappointed.

Shifters
Alcide, Debbie, Luna, Tommy, new werewolf Alpha asshole who totally is going to end up being Luna's ex and thus a pain in Sam Merlotte's ass? Not as into it as I thought I'd be. I kind of don't even want to talk about the werepanthers. What happened to Jason is horrifying. And I will never unsee the woman who cried after raping him because sex with her "brother-husband" was so much worse.

Arlene and Terry's Haunted Baby

Ok so is the baby magical? Is he haunted by Rene or by some other random ghost? If he's haunted by some other random ghost, why does the ghost know how to fuck with Arlene and Terry regarding said Rene awfulness? And how does it manage to mess with Arlene's eye and light fires and write on walls? These are the questions I have because I totally gave up on the shifter storylines and what I'm left with is the haunted baby.

Oh, but there's the witches!

Marnie/Antonia

I love the actress who is playing Marnie. She really was able to become Eddie the vampire in the first episode, and she seems to have conveyed the depth and complicated nature of loneliness and absence of faith. Her surprise and anger over being dangerous to Sookie in the palm reading scene was amazing to watch.

Alright, so the Inquisition wasn't really based on human fears but vampire fears? Of witches who were necromancers? And so via their already entrenched operatives in the Vatican, vampires took on witches and pissed one off so bad that she is returning to take vengeance hundreds of years later?

I like it, kind of.

I mean, she's got some totally justifiable beef. That rapist vampire? Any vampire old enough could also totally be a rapist. They can glamour. I'm telling you, this mythos is leading towards old-vampires-are-probably-rapists territory. It makes too much historical sense! Anyway, I'm interested in where this is going. And I hope most of it happens at night because the daytime scenes of fantastical creatures seem very Xena: Warrior Princess to me. And that show is a favorite of mine, but not because of production values.

Brujeria

The Mexican witchcraft story is just taking off. I hope it does cool things. The pregnant lady is really freaking me out. What's she carrying?! Is it.....SATAN?!

Random Complaints

Maybe I'm in a really weird mood or something, but I was bummed on the Eric/Sookie sex scene in the woods. Not only is that not in keeping with the frustrated shower scene in the book, but it also seems kind of...ill advised..to get completely naked in a forest full of shifters during a full moon. One of whom may be your brother. Who you were looking for and were really concerned about. At least this time she was wearing short shorts and a hoodie and had a shot gun to go traipsing through the woods instead of a sundress.

Great things about this episode (besides Marnie/Antonia):

Bill is still Bill underneath that black leather blazer. And his loooove for Sookeh trumps his new kingship. Aww, Bill. Will he ever grow a pair? I don't know if I really want him to.

No fairies! They will make their return, because it seems like the Antonia storyline is hitting the fan soon, which means the big bad will reveal itself at the end of the season, and I'm thinking it's Mab the queen of the fairies, who lives out in Joshua Tree and has a bad case of shark teeth. But they weren't in this episode. Hooray!

Jessica's growing up. She's making mistakes, but she's also trying to understand them. And she's done well for someone with such awful, awful fathers, both human and vampire.

The foreshadowing of vampire Luis' (rapist vampire) final death. I can't wait to watch that.

No HotShot scenes!

Tara had great scenes where she didn't yell. The stuff at Merlotte's was hilarious.

I feel like now they've laid the groundwork and the season can really start. Everything's going to go off in the next episode, so we'll see what we've got left to work with after next week!

Reset

2011-07-22T17:26:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wanted to just press the reset button? I think I'm about to do just that. Going back to California is something M and I have been so looking forward to, but we were a bit worried about being able to find a decent apartment. We wanted one in the same old neighborhood we left, because we loved where it was located. We wanted a place that was gated and had onsite laundry, and two bedrooms, and good for walking Radley. We've been looking and our little neighborhood is kinda full. We did the westsiderentals.com thing (which you have to pay for) and not much was there either, and the last time I used them they had tons of offerings. Craigslist was a bust. With M not having a job and my job not starting for a few months, we were afraid it would be tough to even get an apartment. My credit isn't as bad as it used to be, but it's not exactly healthy. So we decided hey why not call the old landlord and see if he has any units available in the coming months.

He did, but he didn't want to wait until October 1st to rent it to us, so.....we're leaving early! That's right, instead of being broke in sweltering, humid, lawyer-laden Philadelphia, we're going to go be broke in Long Beach. It might be sweltering, it may have a kind of sooty dust that leaves an oily film all over everything in your apartment, but it's home! We're paying our first month's rent Sept 1st. Not sure if we can get out of here before then, but hopefully by the first week of Sept, I'll be back in baby's arms...

2 Bedrooms, you guys! And apartment upgrades of all kinds apparently, as my landlord claims to have installed ceiling fans, re-tiled the kitchen and bath, and recarpeted. All this for less than we were paying before we left. Is this some kind of miracle? Some kind of sign of good things to come?

It damn well better be. I'm so happy I could cry.

This means good things for the Sweet Lady Shop, as October is a big month for me. I'll be posting up new products, revamping the website, and doing some sort of anniversary thing, since it's been over a year since I opened up shop. And the shop will finally have a craft room to call its own. Some people get a second bedroom for guests, some get it for a future baby, mine's for the shop!

Wow. I need to go get boxes. How many do you think it will take if I have 700 books? Yeah, I did an inventory. Frightening, isn't it?

Housewarming Party in late September. I'm pretty sure there will be cocktails.

Constant Craving

2011-07-06T18:12:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I owe you all an explanation. I've been blogging a lot less than I used to. And I don't post pictures of my meals with recipes anymore. And I don't do any baking to speak of. I haven't had the time or the energy. I've had bouts of really sad times balanced by good but busy and productive times. I'm working on posting more. I'm working on lots of things.

I am super proud of myself for my most recent accomplishment. My dissertation is in the hands of a good editor, and I'm turning it in in a couple of weeks for printing. But it's done. No extra work needed. That, in an of itself is a big effing deal. I get that. I do.

And I got to go home! I missed it much more than I realized. It was nice to see my family and friends, and even nicer to have something to celebrate while I was there. Seeing my friends and the old hood was pretty cool too.

While I don't want this blog to be a "pity me" blog, it bears mentioning that the day after I got back, instead of ushering in a few weeks of rest and relaxation, my job situation really tanked.

Remember how I work at Wolfram & Hart, the evil law firm? And remember how they had me doing horrible foreclosure hotline stuff, where I'd have to talk to people who were losing their homes and tell them that they had to pay huge sums of money within a week or their house will be sold? Well that stuff sucked and was shitty. Also apparently a lot of it wasn't too legal. My firm is being sued in a class action lawsuit (along with our clients, big giant banks). This has resulted in a massive amount of layoffs.

My friends at work started to disappear. The week I got back, they started laying off people in batches of 15. Then they slowed down. Then I got transferred again. This time, to a department that handles out-of-state cases. Then they started laying off people again. Important people. People needed to get things done. People who have worked there for 15 years. People who were in the middle of celebrating their birthday. Yeah, that's right, one guy got fired ON his birthday. It hasn't been a month since I went out to LA for my defense and yet a huge amount of people at my firm are gone and each day has been incredibly stressful. Every time the phone rings, we jump because it might be HR asking for a private meeting. Even some of the demon lawyers are gone! Demon on demon crime, you guys! It's a crap shoot each day that I'll have a job. Which means an apartment and medical insurance and CABLE TV.

Anyway, I have been a stress ball each day all day! If I don't have a job, we're screwed. M. hasn't found decent employment, we've got a dwindling savings, and none of my teaching applications have yielded much in the way of even one adjunct class. I can't even get any kind of academic adjacent job.

I've tried to love Philly. I love parts of it a lot. But a year should be enough time to get a spot teaching one class as an adjunct with a PhD. And if M. can't get a decent job after applying for over 300 positions (ranging from full time benefited to hourly retail), then I think we have to reassess our long term plans. The major reason we came was to have a better financial future.

We're thinking of moving back to Long Beach. We've done some soul searching about it. M wanted to move back 6 months ago, but I thought we owed it to ourselves to give it one year. Now that the dissertation is done, I feel like I can finally think clearly about what I need and what I love to do.

Until I finished, I felt like it would take forever. I felt like I'd never be done. I was running in place for a long time. Doing whatever I could to avoid the work that needed to get done. And now that the work is done and I'm actually proud of it, I feel like a million bucks. And Wolfram & Hart is destroying this million bucks feeling. They are tearing into tiny tiny pieces and crushing each piece.

I've got a very possible job situation happening in January 2012. A good one. One with possibilities for the future. One that would make it very easy to move back to Long Beach. I think it's happening. And I think I'm happy at the prospect. Some people would look at this Philly thing as a failed experiment. But I look at it as my last chance to do a big crazy move, to experience totally new things, to understand myself better.

I want to not be stressed out all the time. It's really messing with my mind and my body. And I want my husband to be happy. And this war of ovarian aggression will one day end. I want to be on the winning side of that one. Sigh. I've given up on the need to be a homeowner. I've looked at enough awful mortgages and ruined lives at Wolfram & Hart to never ever sign a mortgage. Not until I've got real stability and a hefty savings. And I've started to be OK with that. I can have a rental house someday. And I can take good care of it like it was my own until things get better.

So this was an apology (for being gone), an explanation (for why I've been gone), and an indication of what's coming.

Wish me some luck already, damn!

True Blood Season 4 Premiere

2011-07-02T07:14:00.000-07:00

You knew I was going to review this right? It's a celebration, bitches! True Blood season 4 has begun. The season of (hopefully) Eric Amnesia, memorable shower scenes, and intriguing manimal behavior!

I have to say, I LOVE the way the show is deviating from the books. I mean, Sookie needs some reality checks, but there was some great stuff in this episode.

Story lines I'm excited about:

Tara (nka Toni) the lesbian cage fighter! You know, I gotta say, Tara really does stuff when she sets her mind to it. She was like, I'm going to go away from here and get a whole new personality (but keep my cell number). And she did it. She's totally my new tv girlfriend.

Mohawk Lafayette
Can I just say that Lafayette is my moral anchor here? Because it's true. He knows there's a part of him that has scary power, and he's right to be cautious. This witch coven seems more interesting than the one in book 4. I wonder if there will be any similarities.

Cop Jason
I like a grown up version of Jason. Here's hoping his time in the freezer is short!

Arlene's homicidal infant
Who wouldn't love this kid?

Towel Catching Eric

I think we all know where this is going. And I think we all agree it should go there.

King Bill.

Dude, major major twist. Would that book Bill become something as awesome as this. Mad props Alan Ball.

Now that we know why I'm going to stay tuned, let's admit to some stuff I wasn't delighted by.

Fairies. Sigh.

Portia Bellefleur
Boring.

Sookie just can't wear jeans and a t-shirt can she?

Hotshot - ugh.

Hoyt and Jessica
Do they have to do the madonna/whore thing here? Really?

Here's hoping the rest of the season has me happily criticizing!

Home

2011-06-15T17:31:00.000-07:00

They say you can’t go home again. They’re wrong! As soon as I set foot on California soil, I started taking in the smells, sights and sounds of home. I was only there for four days, but I managed to get in some pretty nostalgic stuff:

Eating a Cuban meal with my mom and brother.
Driving through Inglewood and Manhattan Beach to visit the house my parents rented when I was born. It’s been a few years since I’d gone to that part of town.
Smelling the one-of-a-kind smell of the jacaranda trees. They spill lavender flowers all over Los Angeles. I miss them terribly.
Helping mom clear the table. It’s funny how the little things catch you by surprise.
Joking with my brothers and cousins. We talk on Facebook and via Skype, but nothing’s like the lazy conversations that happen when you’re face to face.
Going back to my grad school campus, eating at the little lunch counter where I grabbed food between classes. I’d had such a hard time dealing with my writer’s block that I never liked going to campus after I’d finished my coursework.
Returning books to the library, which now (unexpectedly) no longer requires a student ID card to access. I hate that universities lock up their libraries. Nice to know this one changed its tune.
In my old Claremont stomping grounds, I made my way (in a daze, just after the defense) to Rhino Records, the big indie record store. Happy to see it’s still there. It still smells just the same inside. And little hand made zines and band flyers are just where they were. I don’t think I’ve been there in 10 years.
Driving my old car, Sheila! I sold it to my aunt, who had planned on giving it to her son to drive. He hasn’t gotten his license yet, so it was available to use. Driving Sheila around felt natural. I knew all her quirks. She got me everywhere on time.
Going out to Long Beach to visit friends at my old bar. Reminding myself that it is so good to become a regular someplace, to be able to go in by yourself and see familiar faces. That Cheers kind of thing. Only a little on the divey side. But that’s how I always liked it. Cheap drinks and friendly faces. I even managed to play matchmaker at some point in the evening. I’m a woman of many skills.
My friends recently had a baby so I went shopping at Lil Devil’s boutique on 4th Street in Long Beach. Still a great store! I bought little Addison a pair of pink and white striped tights and a t-shirt. I wanted to buy the little plastic plate/cup/fork set with a Dia de los Muertos theme, but she’s only a few months old. Dia de los Muertos for babies!? These, dear readers, are my people. The baby liked being held by me and even smiled and laughed when I shook her little hands. Being a baby comedian is, I have always said, the most fulfilling of jobs.
These same friends also have a dog we used to dogsit all the time. I was looking so forward to seeing that dog! And I was rewarded. She jumped circles around me, licked my hand constantly, and made that chuffling sound that big dogs make when they know they shouldn’t bark but they want to celebrate. Her celebration upon seeing me was something I will never forget. Watching a big boxer do big happy twirly jumps is pretty amazing for any reason!
The radio stations played good songs. I hadn’t heard Snoop, Dre, or even Tupac on the radio in a year! I can’t seem to find a good station in Philly. But I never drive anywhere, so experimenting with new stations isn’t part of my regular routine. I should work on that.
I stayed at a friend’s apartment in Seal Beach one night. Two seconds after I put down my stuff, I walked the two blocks to the beach, stuck my toes in the sand and stared at the ocean for a good while. Happy sunshine on my face. I bought a coconut paleta (ice cream bar) and ate it on the sand. Literally and figuratively a happy, Sandy moment.
There was a bit of June gloom, but it wore off by late afternoons. Perfect weather the entire time. I even got to spend time with mom and the family in the backyard, soaking up sun with margaritas in hand.

It’s only been a year, but I feel like I’ve been gone longer! I’ve never moved out of California, so it’s been a hell of a year for me. I missed my mom most of all, so I’m glad we got in a lot of girl time. Mani-pedis, shopping, and gossiping late into the night. You know, I hate when people shorten words like “mani-pedis” but the alternative is “manicures and pedicures,” which just sounds clumsy.

Anyway, my trip home was a success. The dissertation is done. No big changes needed, so it will get turned in very soon. And I get to go by “Dr” now, but I think I’m only going to allow students to use it. Seems kinda pretentious to expect it from anyone else, don’t you think? I mean, do people still put it on their checks and use it to make restaurant reservations? Maybe I’ll use it with snooty people who cast dark glances at my tattooed arms. “Hi, I’m Dr. F, nice ta meetcha!”

Ghost Post!

2011-06-10T13:13:00.000-07:00

Nerd Alert. This one's a bit on the professory side. So beware. But you know what? I'm a PhD now, so this is just how I roll. Ok, not really. But right now, here's some ruminations on ghosties and why I find them so interesting:

Some of you may be familiar with my ghost stories. I am fascinated with the paranormal and the idea that there are forces we can’t see at play. I tend to read a lot of paranormal literature, but not a lot of it really involves ghosts. Television programs featuring ghosts, ghost hunters, and stories of hauntings, though, are favorites of mine. Big time. I’ve been watching a lot of them lately and have started to think about the place of these stories in our culture.

I know that for individuals involved, and even for some in the audience, the idea that these experiences are true and validating them as true is important. I think that though there are obvious fakes on these programs, and possibly a lot of instances of people jumping to paranormal conclusions, I am still fascinated. I even still get freaked out when I know it's probably fake. I started to think about why.

Most of these stories told on these haunted/ghost hunting shows are tragic tales of murder, suicide, accidental death, and lives cut short too early. Brides whose husbands murdered them on their wedding night, girls who committed suicide upon finding they were pregnant, prisoners tortured by their jailers. Some of them are linked to important historical moments such as the Battle of Gettysburg, or an historical phenomenon like the lunatic asylum. These places and events are powerful reminders of the horrors we have inflicted on each other both large scale and small. That these shows retell these stories is perhaps an important reason why these shows are popular. Regardless of whether there is paranormal activity going on, we are haunted by the story itself. It is almost a way of sustaining the history of a given place by retelling these ghost stories. A place that may not be important in the grand scheme of things, a person who most likely would not be documented in a history book, a non-descript building that bears the scars of past events. They become important, valued, and revered as part of the ghost story. They get the justice they deserve in that way.

Ghost stories, though they are about death, are really about keeping history alive. Subconsciously, perhaps, we will these stories to return by associating everyday anomalies, such as a old house’s creaks and groans, with what we know to be true about the people that inhabited that home years before us.

Sociologists and cultural analysts have examined why ghost stories are meaningful. Most of them argue that there is a component of social control to the most oft-repeated stories. Like other stories handed down through the ages, they are parables of sorts. Don’t venture off to the woods. Don’t pick up a hitchhiker. Pay your debts. Clear your conscience. And my personal favorite, don’t prevent a couple from getting married/don’t force a couple to get married. Ghost brides have been popular for centuries. Some of these stories are used to scare children into good behavior, some to remind women of the importance of sexual and moral purity. Some to remind men that their misdeeds will follow them even if they leave town. After examining patterns of popular ghost tales and urban myths, one study found that the stories were altered over the years to reflect the loosening and tightening of social rules.

That's where a lot of the academic literature on ghosts tends to focus: ghost myths or legends. But I’m not as interested in repeated tales as much as I am interested in the one-off experiences. I like to hear how the paranormal touched individual people and how they deal with it. Which explains why I like those shows which tend to be filled with interviews and re-enactments of individual experiences. Do I just want to hear other people talk about something similar to what I experienced? Or is it something more? Do I want somehow to find answers about it through watching these shows?

You can’t really take a scientific approach to these things, because no scientist would come to a “ghostly” conclusions. A scientist would say “not yet explained” before saying “ghost,” and there are good reasons for that. But you can explore what makes people willing to believe in ghosts. Our need to explain things, our fear of forces beyond our control, our fear of death, and for some, the fear of an afterlife. I don’t presume to know how it all works. I also don’t really want to venture a guess as to why otherwise normal people experience apparitions of the dead, hear their voices, or witness ghostly events. The rush to debunk a lot of these experiences can be just as clumsy as instantly declaring a ghostly presence. I only know the fear involved with confronting the experience. Maybe not everyone fears the idea of a ghostly encounter, but I did. And do.

From 12-17 years old, and each time it happened, I thought I might be crazy. Laughing it off or finding fake explanations for it were part of the way I sought to pretend I wasn't crazy. "Don't freak out, that's just a squirrel on the roof." Or, "I didn't hear anything." Even when other people experienced things with me, I still came to that conclusion of craziness because they tended to be related to me. "It's genetic. We're all freaking crazy."

At 12, the times I heard/saw things by myself, I was paralyzed with fear. Do you know what that feels like? I wanted to move, my mind was repeating "move move move close the door lock it move move" and my body was completely unwilling to move a millimeter. Closing the door and locking it presumably does not prevent a ghost from entering my room, but in my mind, it was an intruder and closing doors is how you keep them out.

Regardless, my body betrayed me. I live with the fear that it will do so again. I'm lucky enough to have been spared violence in my own life. I'm lucky enough to have never experienced an intruder (a real, live one). What if I close down? There's flight or fight, but am I going to be the one idiot who does neither and stands like a deer in headlights? Maybe since I'm no longer 12, I will react differently. But it's a memory I can't shake. Hearing the footsteps coming up the stairs, creaking each stair. The tap tap of the footsteps on the wood floor. Wondering "why aren't my parents waking up? It's walking right in front of their open door?" No matter how you cut it (dream, hallucination, ghost, creaky house), that is an effed up experience.

So how does watching every single episode of Ghost Hunters help? It helps me understand that once you've gotten it in your head that there is a ghost, you pretty much interpret every anomalous experience as paranormal. Creak in the ceiling? Ghost. Some shadow from the tree outside you catch out of the corner of your eye? Ghost. I find myself wondering what I would do now, if I were in the same position, and then I totally take it back for fear it will call into existence a situation that I could really just never ever have again and be fine with.

So, I'm haunted by my haunting. And I'm interested in how other people dealt with it when it happened to them. Why are you interested in it? Why do you like to be scared? Comment or take the poll on the right. I'd love to know what you all think.

Apocalist

2011-06-05T15:50:00.000-07:00

Because my brain is currently overworked due to the coming dissertation defense (Friday!), I have been less...writey. Do you see what happened there? I invented a word. It's a word that doesn't need to exist, but my vocabulary is leaving me, so instead of whatever the word or words are that would convey being "writey" I just used "writey."

Aaaanywayz...I made this list in my head and thought it was enough for a post. It's influenced by my recent read of the Hunger Games trilogy, as well as screenings of COINTELPRO and Weather Underground documentaries. Oh, and then I watched Man vs. Food.

Things I need to get done before the apocalypse:

1. Lasik, so I'm not sightless once my glasses break.

2. Learn how to box, fight, defend myself.

3. Learn survival skills. Like how to shave your legs using implements found in nature.

4. Learn how to pick locks.

5. Stockpile water purification tablets.

6. Also stockpile duct tape.

7. I should probably get a second battery for my laptop.

8. Relearn how to shoot a gun (I think I left that hobby behind at around 11)

9. Come up with a really cool apocalypse nickname. Something sweet, but could also be ferocious.

10. View some Youtube videos about how to start a fire, hide food from bears, and what to use as toilet paper.

11. Stockpile tampons and pads. And toilet paper.

12. Get some books on telling the difference between poisonous food and not poisonous food.

13. Learn gardening.

14. Learn how to make vodka from potatoes.

15. Work on my horrible aim.

16. Buy a megaphone. People with megaphones are totally the key people in a group. Megaphone=power.

17. Figure out what part of the country would be the least desperate and cutthroat in the event of an apocalypse.

18. Start acquiring apocalypse-friendly wardrobe items. This includes cargo pants that don't make me look fat, and hats that don't squeeze my ears or itch my forehead.

19. Learn morse code.

20. Stop saying "sorry" so much.

Anything I should add?

So Close!

2011-05-19T15:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I accomplished quite the amazing feat. I turned in my completed dissertation draft. The one they are going to work from for the defense. The defense is actually scheduled and I have a plane ticket. I'm going to California in 4 weeks to chat about the dissertation with my committee and hopefully emerge from that a full fledged Ph.D. I'm amazed that I've come this far, and amazed that I hit a turning point in what was a very long and arduous road. It didn't have to be, I just made it worse by thinking I didn't deserve to have the degree. I had to do some reassessment and get some perspective. Moving to Philly did that for me. I don't know that I would have finished if I had kept teaching and living in Long Beach. I was too set in my ways, and I felt like teaching was taking every ounce of academic energy I had. Having a 9-5 that I could leave at the end of the day was my salvation. Which is ironic, considering what my job is all about (hint: it's sure as hell not about saving anything).

Anyway, this milestone will pass in a month and then I will be free! What should I do with my summer of freedom? I'm thinking lots of crafting for Sweet Lady Shop, cooking for my recipe book, and some good reads. Can you imagine how many more books I'll have time for? I already read a lot for a person with a job and a writing project. I'm glad I have my Nook (Dr. Spencer Reid). I miss seeing books on the shelf though. I like the covers of the cheezy vampire books. I like seeing books. The future is supposedly all digital, but I'll be one of those holdouts with a library. I have fantasized about a library so long, it would just be wrong to have it be a tablet on a table in a boring room.

Now that I'm not writing.....ghost post! Coming up! I swear.

Dead Reckoning & Hard Bitten Reviews

2011-05-07T07:40:00.000-07:00

I'm still working on the ghost post (hee), and have gotten a couple good ghost stories. Submit yours to me if you haven't already!!

Today's post is a review of two vampire series titles released on the same day. The latest Sookie Stackhouse novel, Dead Reckoning, the eleventh book in the series, and Hard Bitten, the latest installment of the Chicagoland Vampire story. Most of the time my reviews are detailed but not spoilery. This time, I'm spoiling all over the place.

If you haven't read them and plan to, go away! Come back after you finish and tell me what you think.

If you haven't read these stories at all, go start at book one. Also, go away or you'll get all spoiled!

If you watch True Blood but never read the Sookie books, you can stay. They may or may not use the plot line or character development and really, 11 seasons? Doubtful. Meanwhile, 7 years from now you won't remember this blog post, so feel free.....

* * * * * * * * *
Dead Reckoning: Sookie Gets Mistreated, and I Feel Bad About Ever Liking Any of These Characters

I think this book made me do something I never thought I'd do: get back on Team Bill. Can't believe it! Don't even feel comfortable here on Team Bill. Of course, where else to go? Oh yes, Team Sookie. I have many fantasies for the future of our dear Ms. Stackhouse. Most of them involve leaving Bon Temps and trying to make her way in the world under an assumed name. I picture her perhaps teaching English in some country where the buzz of other minds is practically gibberish and thus soothing. I see her getting a job in an office or at a library, getting a little apartment, having a cat. Maybe she meets a vampire turned after the Great Revelation, you know, someone who fulfills her guy qualifications, but isn't as ridiculous with the chivalry and politicking. Really, what would make her awesome is if she became a demon or something. Something where she can just say, "You know what guys, back off. I'm watching Golden Girls right now, and I'm going to eat this pizza, and if you don't like it, I'm going to fire blast you out of my house with my magical demon hands. Sookie needs a goddamn break."

This book is about Sookie's history, her lineage, and (yet again) a bunch of really blatant reasons why she can't trust any supe but Sam Merlotte (who I'm still mad at over his tryst with Callisto. Yeah, I've got old grudges).

Fairies: Untrustworthy Jerks

First off, the fairies: Her new roomies are her fairy cousins Dermot and Claude. They are comforted by being around other fairies, and she feels the magical comfort feelings as well. They admit that they are drawn somehow to her house. Turns out, there's a fairy trinket hiding there that belongs to Sookie. It was given to her by her grandmother, and it is like a 1-free-wish magical thingamabob. Typical Sookie, she gets a gift and its something that probably people will kill her over.

Sookie's grandmother, as it turns out, totally knew she was cheating on her husband with fairy Fintan. In an old letter hid in the attic, Adele Stackhouse admits to Sookie that she had children as a result of her liason with Fintan, and that the Stackhouse children since then have been visited in their youth by their "sponsor," Mr. Cataliades (the demon lawyer). It's revealed that Mr. Cataliades gave Sookie her telepathy as a gift because she's more fairy than the rest of her kin. Yeah, a great gift for a baby, right? How was Adele able to keep this immortal sin a secret from a telepathic child? If this tryst was at once the most amazing and awful thing she ever did, how did she keep it from Sookie? And how could she live with herself when she realized that Sookie was telepathic and yet never clued her in to any of this crap?! Adele Stackhouse, no longer awesome. Thanks. Really, that's just great. Now I have to be mad at a nice grandma whose only sin in life was wanting to have kids.

In this novel, her fear and caution around her cousins is palpable. Since she was gnawed on for hours by freakish homicidal fairies who filed their teeth into points, she's got good reason to be wary of all things fairy. She starts to think that Claude, Dermot, Niall, and the random assortment of fae creatures hanging out at Hooligans are not her people. There's a lot of groundwork laid for a bunch of fairy bullshit in the future. The fairies shut out of Faery (ugh) are trying to get back to their homeland. It's not going to be pretty.

Vampires: Not Immortal After All
So Victor bites the big one in this novel, and he reaches a bunch of new lows beforehand, making just about everybody wants to see his ashes. Not only does he buy two bars that directly compete with Merlottes and Fangtasia, he prevents Pam's girlfriend, Miriam, from being turned even though she's dying from leukemia. Poor Miriam, her existence served nothing more than to illustrate Victor's depravity. Truly, we get no depth to this character at all. And the idea that Pam could fall in love with someone so much that she wants to save them by making her own vampire child? And that this happens off page? It's pretty much cheating me out of important Sookieverse stuff. Pam's a central character! Her disdain for humanity and love of vampire life was tempered by this frail gal? I want to know about that! Pam herself gets throttled and choked by Eric. He also prevents her from saying/doing things with his master-commands-it mojo, which is dickish behavior if your vampire child is over a century old, in my opinion. I mean really, at this point, disobeying your commands to tell your secrets are her decision. Your job as a daddy is done.

Eric really took a backseat in this novel in terms of page time, but for me he hit center stage in a show called "Asshole". He was keeping a lot from Sookie (nothing new there), he was very tense, he seemed to have his usual arrogance about him, but he was being bested for a majority of the novel by Victor, who was taking away his Fangtasia revenue with his competing vampire bar. So he didn't get to be BMOC the whole time, which I like. Eric's love for Sookie was supposed to be transformative, getting him closer to humanity than he has been in a thousand years.

That's, I think, what draws people to the vampire-human love story. The idea that someone so hard and cold and calculating could be melted by looooove. It's a typical romance trope, adapted for the supernatural circumstance of immortality. Usually these guys have outdated views of gender roles, superiority complexes up the wazoo, and the obligatory giant penises. Not sure if this would work well in reverse. Powerful female vampire with outdated ideas about masculinity courts a human man who shows her that vulnerability and emotions are also male qualities. He tames her beast within and they fight important battles together. She learns to love him even though she must be the protector, not the protected. Also, her vagina sometimes squeezes his penis so hard that he needs to put frozen peas on his junk for 20 minutes after each session of lovemaking (yes, this is taken-in reverse-from the latest Sookie novel). Yeah, that story sounds like it sucks. The Pam-Miriam story would be much cooler.

So anyway, Eric. Not only do we find out that he's been betrothed to some vampire queen and must give up Sookie to be with this new broad, it is revealed that he fucked up Sookie's life royally years ago by connecting her with Niall, paying Terry Bellefleur to spy on her, and spying on her himself well before they became "friends." He also spends a good deal of time preventing Pam from telling Sookie anything about his upcoming nuptials. Oh, and to top it all off, one of his last scenes involves him feeding from her and making it more painful than necessary! This is an abusive relationship, folks, and I'm officially out of love with Eric. Sookie manages to get the guts to break the blood bond, but feels bad about it. She feels that she should have consulted with him first on a decision that affects them both. Which would be true, if the decision wasn't "whether or not I should be magically tethered to your emotions based on a decision you made in secret and imposed upon me without my consent in the first place." Thankfully this blood bond is gone. Hopefully she'll see this Eric stuff in a different light without it. I don't think he's her

Witch Match Makers
Amelia comes into play in this book in order to break the blood bond. She finds out a spell that can break the bond and gets Sookie to agree to it pretty quickly, which I enjoyed. It's something Sookie would do, it was her instinct to be free of Eric, and it was nice to see someone specifically in Sookie's corner. Amelia's a bit tactless, and she hates learning from past mistakes, apparently. This is big magic, something that is going to piss of a very old, powerful vampire, and she's like "let's do it!" She also goads Alcide into seducing Sookie. Remember when she was all interested in setting Sookie up with this really cute guy and it turned out to be Dermot? WTF Amelia!? Stop setting Sookie up with horrible matches.

Shifters: Not Great Decision Makers
Alcide returns to make his play for Sookie's affections. How does he do this? He sleeps in her bed in what he thinks is sexy underwear, hoping she'll come home and take him up on the offer. She's pissed about this, obviously, but it made me laugh. Then I thought, what if that happened to me? What would I do? I'd be so livid! Not only do I have shitty roommates and a house guest who felt this was appropriate (they'd all be in the house, I presume when this impromptu sex-fest was going on, by the way, which, eww), but this dude has some real cojones to think that his mere presence in bed can make her forget about her vampire lover. I'd do just what she did. Kick the whole lot of them out and then begrudgingly let Dermot back in because he's kind of slow.

Sandra Pelt gets out of a jail we didn't know she was in and goes after Sookie in impersonal ways until all the loser assassins she paid don't do the job right and she has to actually do the job herself. You can tell she's a crafty adversary when she decides to hijack Sam and Janalynn (a shifter and a werewolf enforcer) to get to Sookie. Not surprisingly it takes them like 5 minutes to kill her and shove her body into the fairy portal, where she's eaten presumably by black dogs/hell hounds. So glad to put the whole Pelt family in the ground. It seems like this book was all about running things into the ground. It's like reading about a plane crash, only in the middle of the plane crash there's a kindergarten open house and a baby shower.

Demons & Telepaths
Cataliades comes by to let Sookie in on her fae heritage and to explain the Cluviel Dor. It's a magical fairy trinket that gives her one wish, but it can't be used to wish away her telepathy (lame). She decides to hold of on wishing, and gives Cataliades a stern rebuke for all the "gifts" he has bestowed upon her. He leaves her house in a rush because something is following him. And he is later seen zipping around the yard being chased by..things...it seemed like a big deal to me, but it was given two sentences of page time, so maybe in the next book he'll make a reappearance or he'll be dead and leave her his demon estate. Missed Diantha not being there. I liked her insane club-kid outfits and machine-gun fire way of talking.

Hunter also enters the story here. As a side-note, how many damn characters can be shoe-horned in to this story?! Geez. Anyway, Hunter's about to go to kindergarten and Sookie goes with Remy to his school's open house, giving us a peek into teachers' minds, which now adds elementary school teachers to my list of creeps. Sookie seems to be helping Hunter deal with the telepathy in a group setting, trying to prevent him from making the same mistakes that led to her legacy in Bon Temps as "Crazy Sookie." I think this Hunter thing seemed like it was going to lead to Sookie possibly having a family. It really would be the only way she could have a child and have a vampire husband. But now I'm not so sure that's the direction the story is going. Poor Hunter, he might have to get killed in book 12.

In conclusion:

You know when you finally realize that a friend you've had for a while isn't really your friend? That there was some ulterior motive for being around you? Yeah, so Sookie pretty much only has that going on right now. The most telling and poignant line in the entire novel was when she's riding in the car with Sam and tearily realizes, "I've been a fool." It's an indication that Sookie's growing up. I can't wait to see how grown-up Sookie deals with the bullshit coming her way. I think it's time to put Eric out to pasture. He was an important step in her life, and a relationship that she can use to understand herself a little better, but in the long run, I think she'll end up with Sam.

Hard Bitten

I've been reading the Chicagoland Vampire Series since book one. This is the fourth entry, and its gone to places I didn't expect. I liked the idea of a grad student who gets turned and has to traverse a whole new universe of vampire politics and super strength. I also liked that the vampire universe is a little different in these novels. Vampires are organized into houses, kind of like fraternity houses. You get turned and become part of a vampire family of sorts. Merit, the central character, is a little different than other vamps in that she was turned in what seemed like a last-minute decision. She was dying and the head of the Cadogan vampire house, Ethan, turned her. So she didn't choose this life (or unlife). The writing is good, the character is fleshed out, and the love for Chicago in the story is palpable. Chicago is almost another character in the novel. Merit takes us through a lot of Chicago landmarks and helps us understand the local cuisine and culture.

This installment does some pretty gutsy things. It puts some things out there that I wasn't expecting. The mayor isn't human (but we don't know what he is yet), Celina takes a stake to the heart, and oh my god, Merit's love interest, the leader of Cadogan house, Ethan, dies. Since his relationship with his child/novitiate/underling/employee is totally inappropriate, I was cool with it. He will magically resurrect in future books, I'm sure, because his character arc is not complete and in a 7 book series, I doubt at the end of the 4th they'd trade in one soul mate for another. But in my fantasy universe, I'd have him resurrect as human, so Merit would be superior in terms of vampire hierarchy. It would be better if they were on equal terms, but these books hate that, apparently.

There was no sex in this book, but really, there was no time! Merit was on the go the entire book and manages to not only solve the mystery of the V trade, she also learns about her own history. Turns out her dad wanted to pay Ethan to secretly turn her, so she'd never die. Micromanage much?! Ethan declined the offer, but Celina decided to do it anyway. Once the offer was made to Ethan, he decided to protect Merit (secretly, vampirily, like they do). But he was really bad at this, and when she got mauled by one of Celina's vamps, Ethan had to be a big boy and decide whether she died or undied.

I liked the book, because it did make some abrupt and confusing changes to the story I wasn't expecting. That's a rarity in a genre book. But I'm always concerned about books that make the hero transform into a marshmallow of love and devotion. Ethan dies taking a stake meant for Merit, which only means he's coming back. I wonder what hot beefcake body he'll return in?

OK, folks, reviews are done. I know I'm a bit all over the place, but the books were both released Tuesday and I had to get something down. I'm sure I'll settle down and rethink a lot of this stuff, but this is my first reaction.

Got Any Ghost Stories?

2011-04-25T14:47:00.000-07:00

I've been watching way too many haunting/ghost hunter/ghost story programs and films lately! It's got me thinking about the topic in a lot of different ways. Not just the "are ghosts real" thoughts (please take the poll on the right sidebar!), but also the "why do we care about ghost stories" thoughts. A post elaborating on this is forthcoming, but I would like to encourage my readers to share a ghost story with me. I rarely request contributions from my readers, but it's been so long since I really hung out with you guys, I thought it would be cool to incorporate you in a different way from polls and comments. I won't name you or use your contact info, and if you don't want me to, I won't quote from your story (perhaps paraphrase or recap it in a general way). It can be a story that you heard that scared you, or one that you/someone you know experienced, or something about how you don't believe in ghosts (a not-ghost story). Or it could be a ghost story joke. I would love to hear from everyone! Ghost fake-outs are also cool stories, so if you were ever scared of a ghost that turned out to be a noisy water heater, pass it along as well.

Please feel free to leave it in comments or email it to me at sweetladylosesit (..at..) yahoo (..dot..) com.

Friday/Sunday Finds - The Devil

2011-04-24T18:52:00.000-07:00

Deviled Egg Cozy $12 at Garnered Crafts on Etsy

Cuddly Devil? Handknit hat for $39 - another Etsy find

Satan Lightbox from Morbid Decor, $23.99:

Devil Horns stamp! $7.63 at Skull and Crossbuns

Little Devil Oven Mitt. They have a Dracula one too...I giggled with glee when I saw it! This one is only $19.50

Faust & Mephisto shadow puppets - so beautiful! $19

$34 Deviled Egg Pedestal Tray - I may be buying this, so maybe it's gone by the time you click!

Who Put the Devil in Deviled Eggs? A Food Lover's Guide to America's Favorite Dishes by Ann Treistman

On the Virtues of Cocktails in Your 30s

2011-04-15T20:44:00.000-07:00

I work around a lot of young folks. I've written before about how that makes me think of generational differences, but I do feel the need to expand upon one important difference: drinking alcohol.

If you're a recovering alcoholic, this probably won't be a funny post. If you think drinking is immoral or unladylike, well, we probably aren't compatible. But to all my fellow drinkers, this one's for you.

I didn't drink in high school. I didn't drink my first year of college. I didn't even get drunk on my 21st birthday. These are crazy things about me you probably never knew. My mom and aunt wanted to take me to Vegas on my 21st birthday and I declined, saying that I didn't drink or gamble, so what would be the point. How things change, right? Part of my disinterest in drinking is the stupid jock culture around being drunk that permeated the mid to late 90s (my high school/early college time). I also had a straight edge circle of friends, including my boyfriend at the time.

Straight edge, back in the mid 90s, was not a Christian thing. It was a hardcore punk thing associated with not "tuning out" the world but instead getting angry about it and taking notice of the awful stuff that was happening. Straight edge saved a lot of people's lives, I imagine. It also eventually developed its own jock culture, ironically. But I wasn't a straight edge gal, I was more of a riot grrrl; nonetheless my crowd was not so into drinking or drugs.

After I broke up with straight edge boyfriend, I expanded my notion of drinking alcohol. As an incredibly shy person, I found that I was a bit more social when I had a cocktail. I figured out that it wasn't always about being drunk, and that small versions of escape and sociability were not signals of dropping off the planet but rather letting off some steam and not being so uptight. If you don't know me personally, I can be kind of uptight. Like always!

All of this background is to explain that I never went through the freshman insanity that a lot of college kids do. I did drink in my 20s, though, and I've since always enjoyed bars and bar culture. I've made lifelong friends in bars, and found myself much more comfortable in my own skin in the relaxed, social environment that makes up a great bar.

Now, let's be real. I have been drunk. I have started an evening out with the express goal of being drunk. I'm a human being, and sometimes I do want to tune out instead of dealing with shit. It happens. But being truly drunk is never really "fun," because--especially if you are in your 20s--you really don't stop at tipsy or a little drunk, but venture on over to sick and dehydrated. And this is where the generational difference really shows up.

In your 20s, a hangover is this quaint little thing you get after a night of boozing. You have a headache, you have to puke, you need to eat something fatty and greasy, like a donut or a burger, but you can generally go to work the next day with sunglasses and be fine by lunch time. In your 30s, however, you are DESTROYED the next day. And even if you've built up a tolerance and can have several cocktails before entering the "uh-oh" stage, you cannot fight the hangover demon. It is relentless. Not only do you have the headache and dehydration, but you have it until at least 6pm the next day. A day during which you cannot leave your apartment. A day during which you look so haggard and green that you swear off ever having another cocktail as long as you live. A day when you curse the bartender that "likes" you so much he pours you a stiff drink every time (I love you bartenders, don't leave me!). There is a small hint of cuteness in a young persons hangover, but a 32 year-old's hangover is not cute. So you gotta play it smart and learn some stuff so you don't get to that place. If I could go back in time and teach myself and my compatriots these things, well...I'd probably not have a lot of fun stories, but I would have puked less, which in and of itself is worthwhile.

Professonal Rules for Amateur Drinkers

1. If you like doing shots, you should do them first. Not after the third cocktail, when anything seems like an "awesome" idea. Do not drink shots after the third cocktail unless there is a meal involved in your drinking experience. A real one, not salad or chips and salsa. And here's something that everyone should know: you only need one shot. Seriously. Those movies where people get drunk and have 3, 4, 5 shots? Those people are always shown slurring happily and passing out, but never dry heaving and trembling at 4am. It's not sexy people. One shot rule. Learn it.

2. Stay away from the bar on the following nights: Cinco de Mayo, St. Patrick's Day, New Year's Eve. These are possibly great nights for drinking at home or at parties, but if you go to a bar, it will be filled with people who only let their hair down or "go big" on these special occasions. They will make it so you can't find a seat all night, they will spill a drink on your sexy shoes that you only wear out when you want to look hot, and they will make the bathroom smell like a vomitorium. They have already likely made it so you have to pay just to get in and buy liquor. That's unforgivable. Everyone knows that d-bags go out on these nights, so you can't have bitchface on about anything because, well, honestly you should know better. Stay home. There's like 361 other days of the year that are really fun for no good reason.

3. When you start to feel like you need water, it's too late! Prevent this disaster by ordering water with your third cocktail. Even if you don't drink it for an hour, it is there, waiting for you. I'm telling you, once you hit 30 you are not drinking all night. You are having 3, maybe four cocktails and getting home at 11:45 pm and sleeping in your jeans and a bra. A glass of water is the difference between you being A) fun and flirty or B) Stumbling to the bathroom with that crease in your forehead between your eyebrows. That wrinkle is the "I'm disappointed in you" wrinkle. It's a mom wrinkle. It shouldn't be at the bar. Prevent this by ordering a water. If you feel embarrassed, say its for your drunk slutty friend. Now you get to be a hero and you can stay up past midnight. Win-win.

4. Fruity drinks like mai tais and midori sours are for early evening and should be had in increments no larger than 2. If you are planning on having more than two drinks, you cannot have a sugary fruity drink. If your drink tastes like punch, say goodbye to tomorrow. You're spending it in bed with a headache of biblical proportions. Also, that high calorie food you ate at 1:30am to stave off the hangover has actually added to the sugars your body now has to break down. Seriously, they taste so good you'll drink them faster and have more of them than anyone needs. Stick to drinks that are 2-3 ingredients, none of them being orange juice, pineapple juice, or Malibu rum. Everything that goes with Malibu rum fits the description of 24 hour hangover. Also, after 22, there is no reason for a midori sour. Google something more interesting and you'll have the respect of the bartender.

5. Respect the bartenders. If you can't afford to tip, you don't get to drink. A tip is at least $1 per drink. Yes, even beer. I know, you don't make a lot of money. Guess what, you can buy alcohol and drink at home for cheaper. Tips are how bartenders make a living. If you want good service, be a good damn person. Please, thank you, waiting your turn. These are things you do not leave at the door. I have seen people snap their fingers to get a bartenders attention. I've seen people wait 10 minutes to get a bartender to talk to them only to be like, "I'm not sure what I want. What do you recommend?" I have seen people slam their hands on the bar and make loud demands. Not only will you get an awful, watered down drink that way, you might be casually ignored for the rest of your night. Eye contact is key for getting a bartender's attention. They know how to avoid eye contact. It's like day one of how to be a bartender - avoiding eye contact with patrons who are assholes.

6. Make bathroom breaks a priority. I don't know if you know this, but "breaking the seal" means peeing. Peeing for the first time after having cocktails. You see, drinking, it makes you have to go. But as soon as you do go that first time, you will find yourself going in quicker intervals. Alcohol inhibits the production of anti-diuretic hormone, which usually stabilizes your need to pee. Also, you're drinking a bunch of liquid, which makes you have to go. If you make good cocktail choices, you shouldn't be having gallons of liquid (those sugary things always com in large glasses!). You should hold out, because you will be thinking about going and strategizing your bathroom trips for the rest of the evening. Boys can go in and pee rather quickly, because of the frightening public nature of male urination. Us ladies have to wait for a stall. That means a line, which means planning. You have to know when you're going to need the bathroom before you need the bathroom. We're like, miraculous creatures for being able to do this while heavily intoxicated. And those of us who don't, well, peeing your pants is kind of unforgivable in a bar situation. Immediately spill your drink in your lap and decide to go home to change or die quickly in order to validate the urine. Those, I'm afraid, are your choices.

7. Weeknights are better nights than weekends. In your 30s, you pretty much want to hang out in a bar because you already came with friends. If not, you are interested in finding friends. This happens while talking. Yeah, old people hate loudness and crowds. It's a broad stereotype, but it's one I'm not even ashamed of! If you want to enjoy bar life, don't be squished between sweaty guys with pointy hair and button up shirts with screen printed dragons! Read "Texts from Last Night." Those people are at the bar on the weekends. I'm serious. Go on a Tuesday night. Enjoy some reparte with a nice bartender and good conversations with friends. You're a true professional if you avoid Saturday night or you get there before 10pm. Not only do you get a seat at the bar, but you leave before people start messing up the bathroom and stepping on your freshly painted toenails. P.S. you don't have to stay until 1am to have a good time. Words of wisdom, folks!

8. There is no need to pay to get into a bar. You pay to get into a club. You pay to see a comedy show. You pay to see a band play. You do not pay just to go in and pay again for drinks. It's a bad sign when they want money just for getting in the door or they have "bottle service." These are places you do not want to be. Places where sitting at a booth costs like $500. I'm sorry to be crude, but fuck that. Give me a good old dark dive, a place with regulars. Where you can get to know the bartenders and meet strangers. Where the jukebox represents the taste of the clientele and owners, not just a giant mp3 player that represents everyone and thus no one. Someplace with character. Find your place, enjoy that not everyone goes there. Don't tell everyone about it. Keep it local, support your community well. And always, always, tip generously in gratitude.

9. Oh yeah, never play "Free Bird" in the jukebox at the bar. Not cool.

Hurdles & Stuff

2011-04-10T16:48:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! I know, I've been MIA again, but this time there's good news. I finally turned in a complete draft of the dissertation. How did I do such a thing, you may be asking? Well, I gave myself a stern talking to about responsibilities and moving forward and then I just gave myself an unbelievable schedule. I worked each day and then came home and sat down to write until a chapter had been revised. There were 5 chapters that needed revising and two that needed writing. One week was spent on revisions, the next on writing. I'm telling you, pressing "send" felt so good. I was only bummed I sent it on a Sunday because I couldn't really celebrate. Oh well, celebrations will come. I don't have a date set yet for the dissertation defense but I'm thinking June or July. Yes, they are making me do a defense, in addition to the written and oral PhD exams and two foreign language mastery exams. WTF? Whatever, going thorough the public haranguing will most likely be what gets me through the future interview process.

I am looking forward to finally completing one of my life-long goals. I almost can't believe I pulled through.

So now that the bulk of the work is over, I can actually do some things! Like give my house a spring cleaning, do some serious crafting, and get some miscellaneous shit together.

Good things are on the horizon folks!

Jet Fueled & MIA

2011-03-26T07:59:00.000-07:00

Hey folks, sorry for the disappearing act lately, but I'm trying to finish up the dissertation before the end of the semester. It's a lofty goal, but I'm actually in a good place to do it and I'm hustling every day after work. Writing has been coming on strong lately, so I'm hoping to get a draft of the dissertation to my committee by the middle of next week. The whole thing. Crazy, but it's gonna happen.

My day consists of going to work until 4pm, rushing home, writing, dinner, and more writing until I have to sleep. This, thankfully, is the weekend, so I can really get a good couple days worth of stuff done. Glorious. If you are my twitter or facebook friend, you probably know this by now, but I have been able to fuel this adventure with a trusty friend at my side:

This, dearies, is a brand of coffee that is available to me at my work. They have one of those Keurig cup coffee machines (which I totally love and want for my house). I selected this coffee one day a couple months ago and was totally wired. I knew that for my week of intense writing, I would need something to propel me forward. So I tried it on Monday. Wow. Monday I got one chapter revision done. Tuesday, another chapter revision, and so on until Friday. Today is Saturday. I have smuggled two of those little babies home and tore them open to use in my french press. Not bad. I may have to thank these people in my acknowledgments page! It's like a whole cup of espresso.

So, I'm living in a big mess of books and notes and papers.

You'll forgive me for going missing for a little bit. I'll be back. And I'm still doing my weekly weigh-ins over at Sweet Lady Loses It.

Oh, and last week I made red velvet whoopie pies using this recipe. Most amazing dessert ever.

Season of the Witch

2011-03-13T20:35:00.001-07:00

So this is something to look forward to:

Losing It...

2011-03-12T22:37:00.000-08:00

It's happening again...

Go here to see another one of my new blogs and follow! It's back!

Friday Finds

2011-03-10T16:33:00.000-08:00

A day early!

Have you been to Plasticland yet? They just revamped their website and have a bunch of cool stuff. Some things on my wishlist:

$72 for these midnight blue cross-strap mary janes. They come in burgundy too.

Weirdo Noir and Gothic Lowbrow Art, a book by Matt Dukes Jordan is available there for $25

The Have a Heart bottle opener is $14. I've seen this in person and it's pretty hefty, just what you need in a good bottle opener.

Just $18 for this hot pink mod lucite tray. I really love this, but I have nowhere to put it and it deserves to shine!

Over at Modcloth, this Tally Home door mat is something I would buy! We need a doormat, actually, so it might actually happen:

And now for some vintage things I wish I had. These are one of a kind, so you'd better hurry if you want em! There are a lot of vintage sellers on Etsy, so check back with these shops if you like their style. Something new comes in all the time.

I'd love these for the garden I hope to have someday: Mid Century Metal Garden Chairs, $90 for the pair from Banglespark's shop.

One of my dream finds is a mid century teak credenza, both with the hutch and without. My fantasy home will have one, you just wait. Until then, I can look dreamily at these:

$900 teak hutch

$1300 of teak lovelyness from Midcenturyville

Apparently Fiesta ware made, once upon a time, demitasse cups or espresso cups. Now they are very rare. So rare, in fact, that just one beauty like this costs $ 125.00

Sigh...so pretty!

Also, out of nowhere, I decided I really like milk glass, and I also really like compotes. Especially footed ones. This one here is only $16 from sparrowstation

If you're starting a Martha Stewart worthy collection, you might want to get on this group of 5 cuties from bellachicboutique for only $40

Book Love

2011-02-28T19:38:00.000-08:00

I've told you about my love for Mike Stilkey, right? He makes art out of old books. It's amazing:

I have dreams all the time about my future library, and I haven't been able to buy too many physical books lately (I've been downloading ebooks), so I'm feeling withdrawal. This post is about awesome book-related things.

First up, bookends! They break up the space on your shelves, separate special books, and help out on those shelves without sides.

Bookend Women, $49.95 at Wrapables:

Bicycle Bookends, $24.99 by Knob Creek Metal Arts:

I've never heard of shelf pillows, but now I want them! These Victorian Women bookends are $22

from Etsy seller Two Stray Cats

$45 for this set of Shabby Chic Bookends in Turquoise from Pretty Darn Cute

Only $14 for a print of this awesome painting by Parada Creations:

Bookplates (with a BIRD on it!) $4.50 for 6 of em from the Paper Pumpkin:

I don't have the funds for something like this, but I would totally love it! $450 for a vintage card catalog.

Birds in a Book Club print by Barking Bird Art, $18

Book Reviews - Vampires and Witches, of Course

2011-02-26T17:29:00.000-08:00

Thanks to my graduate school honed skill of speed reading, I got through two books this week. I'm happy to report my findings.

1st up, Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith.

Gotta say, it wasn't a book that I felt like I needed to get my hands on at first. When it was first published, I liked the idea, but decided to keep it on the reading list for later. It's central characters are men, it's about killing vampires not loving them, and it wasn't written by an historian. And despite those things, it is a very interesting read. It's an epistolary novel, which is one of my favorite literary forms.

Epistolary novels are stories told through a series of letters or other written documents. They gained popularity in the mid 1700s, the most popular then being Samuel Richardson's Pamela and years later Clarissa, about young women who have their virtue continually tested by the world around them. Epistolary novels do some interesting things that other novels don't. They show you the story from one person's perspective, with 'factual' additions like newspaper clippings or historical documents, and without the value judgments of an omniscient narrator. In many ways this conveys a sense of realism. You get the story in the character's own words. Some think that the popularity of epistolary novels coincides with the rise of democracy. These are stories that tended to focus on ordinary people, generally the trials and tribulations of the working class or servant class, and in doing so encourage a sense of empathy for the experiences of those who are not like you. I like epistolary novels. Dracula is one of the most famous, with letters and diary entries from the different characters creating the story.

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter begins with the story of a young writer who has given up on his dream of writing a novel. He instead runs the counter at a small town hardware store. He is given a gift one day by a strange local customer: what appears to be the collected diaries of Abraham Lincoln, detailing his life as young boy, and moving all the way through to the days before his assassination.

The stranger asks him to write a novel based on the diaries. As he begins to read these journals, he realizes that Abraham Lincoln was obsessed with, and very good at, killing vampires. He devoted his entire life to ridding the country of them, and only stumbled into politics. Lincoln eventually surmises that the institution of slavery is not only reprehensible on the basis of denying human beings rights, but also because it is held in place by vampires, who buy up the slaves who are old or disabled in order to feed. He believes slavery and vampires go hand in hand, so he sets out to get rid of both.

Even though it's about hunting and killing vampires, there are your "good" vampires, though they aren't as fleshed out as they could be. His good vampire sends him a hit list every now and then, and the story moves forward as Lincoln tries to fulfill his assassinations of the vilest vampires. Lincoln is definitely given a fascinating voice, and a clear picture of him emerges as the novel goes on. He deals with a lot of conflicting values and ideas, and is thoughtful about them. The novel's historical inaccuracies are plenty, but I didn't find this too troubling. I mean, it's a novel about Abraham Lincoln as a vampire hunter. Changing history to suit the story seems like a no brainer. I loved all of the doctored photos that point out "proof" of the vampire hunter aspect of Lincoln's life. I loved the moral anchor that was the Lincoln character. He doesn't always do the right thing, but he does explore his ideas and opinions.

There were some things that disappointed me, though. It's clear that the writer isn't an historian, and that really makes the novel less than what it could have been. You see it in places throughout the novel, but most of all in the way slavery and the abolitionist movement is presented. Slaves are talked about in the abstract mostly, and usually only as victims. The underground railroad, the work of free blacks in the north, and slave rebellions are all attributed to the "good" vampires who want to end the reign of vampires in the south. Only one of these "good" vampires is developed as a character, and even he is more of a way to move the plot forward than a real person. None of the characters are black, and I think a black "good" vampire would have given the story some depth and add a counterbalance to the depiction of black people as only slaves and only victims with no power over their own lives. Lincoln never encounters other vampire hunters, which is strange. And the story spends so much time on his life before politics, that it seems odd that his road to the presidency was so short and so convenient.

All in all, the book does paint an elaborate picture of Lincoln's life, with vampire stuff added in there. His marriage, children, and the Civil War are all explored in interesting ways. I think probably this could have been an epic story, rather than a whimsical little novel. It's worth it just for the cameo by Edgar Allen Poe, who knows about vampires and chats with Lincoln about it from an interesting perspective!

My second review is a book I found via the Barnes & Noble nook recommendations page. They saw that I liked The Phyisick Book of Deliverance Dane and Daughters of the Witching Hill, and handed me A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness. I was hungry for another novel after finishing Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter, and I am glad I went back to witches for a time.

The cover of this novel isn't bad, but it isn't good. I would have preferred it to look like a page from an illuminated manuscript, because it features so prominently in the story, but I don't work in book cover design. I should though. I sometimes wonder what the hell those people are thinking. This is a big one at 592 pages, but I was fascinated the whole way through. It's a witch story, but unlike the last two I reviewed, this one takes place in the contemporary world, without a lot of flashbacks to the past. It's about a world where witches, daemons and vampires have worked hard to keep their existence secret from humans. It's also a world where the three creature groups are insular, and never mix across "species." It's also about the weird world of academics. In this case, however, some of the academics are relics themselves.

Diana Bishop is a witch, but has worked hard to create an academic life without witchcraft. A descendant of one of the Salem witches, she knows the fear and hysteria around witchcraft. She wanted to make a name for herself without resorting to magic, and manages to become a well known historian teaching at Yale. At the start of the novel, she is on a sabbatical doing research at Oxford, analyzing alchemical texts and illuminated manuscripts in the Bodleian Library. Her life changes forever when she requests a particular manuscript from the collection that was once thought lost. It's a book that is sealed shut with a spell, and Diana manages to open it. It seems like a confusing alchemy text that has magic running through it. When she sees the magical aspect of the text, she suddenly decides to return it and tries to forget the experience. The creatures in Oxford take notice, and pretty soon they are hovering around her, waiting for her to recall the manuscript, which is rumored to have secrets about the origins of the supernatural species and powerful spells. Another academic at Oxford seems to be most interested in her and her stack of books at the Bodleian, Matthew Clairmont, a vampire.

This is not your usual vampire romance, but it does go to similar places. What makes this novel different is the careful eye to science and history (the author is an historian of science and medicine at USC). It's not simply the history background that makes Harkness's work great. It's also her ability to create a lush, detailed world, with characters that have flaws and quirks. Even tertiary characters seem modeled on real people. Matthew, the vampire, is a great character, but I had a bad feeling about him at the beginning of the novel when he found Diana's smell to be too intoxicating. These vamps also don't have fangs. Which is stupid. I'm sorry but vampires have fangs. It's the way of things. I won't see them without. Anyway, I was worried he'd head into Edward Cullen territory, but things go a different, more mature way.

I guess that's what I liked best about this novel. It's central character, Diana, is a woman who is "different" like Bella and Sookie and so many others, but she isn't naive or prone to do ridiculous thins to prove she's independent. She is a thinker and mature about her actions. Whereas many other vampire romances are about vampires sweeping women up into their vampire bullshit, this story is about the communal bullshit of supernaturals, and Diana takes control of her life in beautiful and surprising (and sometimes wrong) ways.

The novel is long, but I didn't feel like it when I was reading it, and I wanted it to continue after it was over. If you are reading it and having a hard time moving through it, you should at least push forward to Diana's visit home to her family's witchy house. I could have read a whole novel about that house.

If you liked The Historian, there are elements of academic life, research and travel that are interesting, but it isn't a treasure hunt so much. If you liked The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane and Daughters of the Witching Hill, the culture of witchcraft is fun and fantastical, but the balance of power is not with humans here. If you like vampire romances, this book will provide you with a romance, but you'll have to deal with more than a few mysteries and side-journeys that take away from the romance part. Oh, and the sex is minimal. As in the supe couple never consummate their relationship. Which is the only part that I really disagreed with. Well, that and the princess fairy tale that features in a very small but annoying part of the story.

I'm hoping Harkness writes a sequel, but even if this is the last of Diana Bishop's story, it was a worthwhile trip. It's about time someone capitalized on the fact that real vampires (and people who know they exist) would be excellent academics.

I've got only academic books on the horizon, but I'm hoping to go in a different (but still supernatural) direction. I'm thinking less professor characters and more fuck-ups. A decent fuck-up centric vampire story, incidentally, is Christopher Moore's Bite Me!

Friday Finds

2011-02-18T20:39:00.000-08:00

Friday Freakin' Finds! Can you believe it!? Only a few, but I enjoyed looking.

Book Locket by Verabel - $48
I desire this intensely.

Breakfast Club Print - $10 at dialmformichele

Elsita's little red riding hood papercut, 6x4 and only $8:

The Sandwich Defender side plate. I heart it! $39.50 by jimbobart

Winter in Review

2011-02-18T14:51:00.000-08:00

I did something I haven't done in months yesterday. I opened a window in my apartment. It's nearing 65 degree temperatures here (briefly, I'm sure) and so we're getting a little winter reprieve. There are rumors of snow next week, but I'm ignoring them. Rumors, by the way, is what I now use to refer to "weather reports," which are really just sort of "possibilities" pertaining to weather. Anyway, now that things are changing a bit, I am reflecting on what my first east coast winter was like and how I dealt with it as a native Californian.

It turns out I like winter. I am as surprised as anyone, and maybe it's just puppy love and I'll grow to find it awful and regret the day this ever posted, but right now I love it. I enjoyed wearing various coats. I enjoyed wearing a hat and gloves. I liked choosing scarves to match my outfits. I liked wearing boots everywhere and not having to ever wear uncomfortable shoes. . I like the colors of fall and winter clothing. Nobody sees my tattoos in winter, really, so I kind of have a different winter personality as a result of the normalcy I apparently present to the world when I have my hands and arms covered. People look me in the eye and stuff. I really appreciated the beauty of snow and the soft, silent way it falls.

Every kind of storm I've prepared for has been loud and chaotic, but a snow storm is so quiet. I got to experience thundersnow, which is thunder with no accompanying sounds of rain! So eerie! I enjoyed not sweating ever, even if I had to walk the mile and a half to work because the buses shut down. These joys were only possible because I don't have to shovel a walk or drive a car. Both of these things would change my outlook considerably.

There are things I didn't like about winter. Like I said at the beginning, it's weird to never open your windows and get fresh air. My apartment has wall unit heaters. One in the bedroom that didn't work, so we had to cover it (it let in cold air), and one in the living room which has been threatening to die for months. We had our own little oil heater that we rolled around the bedroom, and had to buy another floor heater for the living room. It helped to do laundry, as the dryer seemed to warm the place up. Being cold inside your house is just sad. Luckily our little dog Radley allowed us to stay warm at night, though there were a few nights when I was so cold I was unable to sleep, even with him tucked behind my legs. I feel like this is more of an "I hate my apartment" thing than a winter thing, though.

I didn't like the melting of the snow, and the resulting grody slush puddles. Slush puddles gather right at important crosswalk locations, and unless you wear galoshes, you find yourself doing a fair bit of jumping and hoping you won't slip on an icy patch. Slippery ice is also a bummer, but (knock on wood) I haven't fallen once. There was a bunch of black ice around our building a few weeks ago too, and I learned it is extra slippery. It looks like a puddle of polyurethane, and is the slipperiest surface ever. I haven't driven once this winter, but M. has had to a few times and found it difficult to park. Since most streets in the city are plowed, there are huge banks of snow piled up in prime parking locations. In between cars are mounds of snow as well, so parallel parking is crazier than usual. Driving over snow sounds crunchy, like you did something very wrong, and your chances of sliding into bumpers is pretty high.

I found that being cold is your own fault, a result of poor planning. I walk home from work sometimes and on several occasions I have come home with frozen thighs because I didn't think to wear tights under my work pants. I have an amazing winter puffer coat that goes down to about a few inches below the waistline, so between that and where my boots meet my knees, I was freezing! I figured walking would make me warmer, and I rationalized that, ahem, ample thighs are a natural insulator, but not so. I was so cold one day that I came right home and went immediately to the bathroom. For some reason, I thought I may have peed my pants. I spent about a half-mile repeating "WTF, I peed my effing pants" in my mind. Why did I think this? Well, because my pelvic region and my thighs were so cold that they were kind of numb, and when I felt the least bit of warmth returning, I assumed it was pee. I started wearing tights and taking the bus.

Once, M and I met some friends for dinner in Fishtown and had to wait for the trolley at night on a Friday We waited about forty five minutes in 19 degree weather (no cabs came by). We were wearing cold weather stuff, but 19 degrees is no joke. You need full ski outfits and face masks if you're just going to hang out in the night air like that. We got home at around 10:30, after walking a few blocks from where the trolley let us off. By the time we got home, we had chattering teeth and immediately made hot chocolates. Friday night, 10:45pm, no work the next day, and after one hot chocolate I had to say "I think I'm ready for bed." Cold. It's a real killjoy if you don't respect it.

All in all, I'm glad to live with winters. I think it will make me appreciate the spring time all the more. I can't wait to see the flowers bloom and the trees get full. I am already hearing more birds than before.

Party Dress

2011-02-15T17:34:00.000-08:00

Aw, yeah, I'm back to my old bloggy self (hopefully). First day of training in the new department and I've got happy hearts in my eyes. Not only is the work more up my alley, but it's a quiet area, a slower-paced environment, and the guy training me had a phone that was incredibly dusty for lack of use. I was so giddy that when I got home I did work on my dissertation, hemmed a dark purple corduroy skirt I bought (extra long, so I could make it an appropriate a-line length), and started a recommendation letter for a friend. I even posted pics on Flickr and now I'm blogging. Total win.

My mom, out of the blue, decided that she wanted to get me a dress from my Amazon wish list that I labeled "the prettiest dress." Amazon lets you list things from any other site online using their "add to wish list" button, so I used it to add a dress from ModCloth. Check it out, this is coming my way soon:

The Admission Party Dress is $165 and though you can't really tell, is navy blue with metallic dots.
Check out the close up:

Ooooh...ahh, right? Am I right? Here's a pic of someone in it:

Yes, it's a decent length for my old lady gams and everything. I'm not so into wearing cutesy spectator pumps with it, but I am at a loss as to what would work best with it. It's too cold to wear it now, but in a few weeks I'm thinking it would pair well with a little sweater and some silver flats. What do you think? Advice is much appreciated. If I were to do something other than navy or silver for accessories, what would you recommend? I could never buy something like this for myself with my salary, especially a party dress, something I wouldn't wear too often. My mom rules. I can't wait to get it!

Book Review - The Daughters of the Witching Hill

2011-02-13T18:36:00.000-08:00

Well, you know it's been a while when you have to actually log in to Blogger to post a new entry! Good things are afoot people. I am getting transferred out of my crappy department to one where I will no longer be the bringer of sadness. Yes, a great move for me, since I have been dealing with intense stress and anger over being the American Dreamkiller. "Hi, I'm Sweet Lady, you have to pay 100 zillions of dollars by this time next week or your house will be sold at an auction and all your neighbors will see postings about it on your lawn and in the paper. Have a nice day!!" I have had serious TMJ problems, like so bad that whatever is misaligned in my jaw is messing with the nerves in my neck and shoulders, leading to numbness in my left hand. I stopped sketching and painting. It was a bad scene. It's not like I won't still be part of the dream killing tangentially, so that still bums me out, but I can't put effort into getting another job until I'm done with the dissertation. My constant refrain. Anyway, in two weeks, I'm moving my cube and enjoying the silence. No phone calls.

I thought I'd drop in on all of you and let you in on a review of a book I recently read. I got some Barnes and Noble gift certificates for the holidays and I have been too busy to use them. CRAZY, I know. But I realized I hadn't read a novel in a while, and I thought that maybe it was part of the reason I wasn't feeling much like myself (other than the job). So I set out to read something new. I had good luck with historical novels, and especially those steeped in real historical research, but with supernatural or paranormal elements. The Historian, Devil in the White City, and The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane were recent favorites, so I tried to see who bought books similar to those on Amazon and B&N's website. It led me to Mary Sharratt's Daughters of the Witching Hill. Excellent choice!

It is based on the real Pendle Hill witch hunts of 1612 in Lancashire, England. Taken primarily from the very detailed and strange testimony of the trials recounted by a contemporary court clerk, it pieces together a magical and tragic (tragical, if you will) story of Elizabeth Southerns, a poor woman who lived in a tower on the outskirts of town and acted as a "cunning woman," someone who practiced folk magic. Sharratt uses social and political history as her background for the story, placing it in this interesting time when Catholicism was under attack by the last two royals. The mysticism and ritual of Catholicism was seen as particularly vile to James I, who had a thing about witches. He wrote Daemonologie, a text defining and denouncing witchcraft. It specifically encouraged witch hunts, and was focused on ousting. Here's an excerpt focusing on the kind of work witches do:

"I mean by such kind of charms as commonly daft wives use, for healing of forspoken [bewitched] goods, for preserving them from evil eyes, by knitting . . . sundry kinds of herbs to the hair or tails of the goods; by curing the worm, by stemming of blood, by healing of horse-crooks, . . . or doing of such like innumerable things by words, without applying anything meet to the part offended, as mediciners do."

The book itself is not so much about the hunts themselves (it gets there, and it's a realistic treatment of it), but more about the belief in magic and its uses, the daily lives of women, and the ways women sought power over their lives when they had virtually none.

Elisabeth Southerns is poor. So poor that she must beg for food and does hard labor for little pay around town. She has a magical experience one day when she's confronted with a beautiful man, Tibb, who she knows isn't real, but who convinces her that he can predict the future and help her gain some measure of control over her life. He claims that his "Lady" sent him to watch over her. Tibb helps Elizabeth, known as Bess and later as "Old Demdike," learn the ways of cunning folk. Using herbs, poultices, and prayers to heal and protect, she manages to turn it into a way to make a living. And some crazy shit happens.

No seriously, crazy shit happens. Cool magical stuff, regular "people are shitty" stuff. I found it totally engrossing. I enjoyed being there, in that book, and after Deliverance Dane, it was interesting to see a tale of witchcraft outside of America and connected so clearly to the real political and social history of the time. It was also really cool to see explanations of the spells used, with specific recipes drawn from the literature of the time.

So, in summation, it has magic (awesome), a female protagonist (necessary), a story of powerful women but not so powerful as to be fantastical (refreshing), and a real tie to history and respect for the people represented (bonus)! I was sad to let them go at the end of the book. You know a book touches you when that's the feeling you get at the end. It's why I love lengthy series.

Next up, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. On account of President's day and stuff. Aren't you excited about that one?

Desires

2011-01-17T20:30:00.000-08:00

Temporarily out of stock at Curiosity Shoppe, but amazing nonetheless: Book Rest Lamp

This ridiculously low priced set of vintage fiberglass shell chairs.$10 a chair. A CHAIR.

Gummy raspberries from Bake It Pretty. 5 oz bag for $2.25:

They also make French candy seashells, 8 oz bag for $6.50.

Granita knobs from Anthropologie, only $6 each

Spanish Valentine candy hearts at Fred Flare! $ 2

They've also got these cute photo clips for $12. Put em on a clothesline for added cuteness.

Mermaid bookends from Plasticland, $42

Avocado green Catherineholm lotus casserole, $65 at All the Good Things

I'm still here. Just a little bit more offline than usual. I expect introspection after my next chapter submission.

keep in touch!

Reach Out and Touch Faith

2011-01-06T15:48:00.000-08:00

24 year-old coworker: "What are you listening to?""
Me: "Depeche Mode."
Co-worker: "What is it?"
Me: "DEPECHE MODE"
Co-Worker: "No, I mean, is that like a band or a person?"
Me:"C'mon, are you being serious?"
Co-Worker: "Yeah."
Me: "Just fucking Google it, because I can't believe you don't know who Depeche Mode is."
Co-Worker: "What songs do they do."
Me: "Like a thousand songs that everyone knows. I can't even talk to you about this. Just...no."

And then I sadly died of old age.

12 Things

2010-12-31T16:31:00.000-08:00

12 Great Things that Happened this Year

1. Moved to Philadelphia

2. Started the Sweet Lady Shop

3. Got my awesome Wonder Woman tattoo!

4. Went on a great trip to San Francisco

5. I learned that teaching is what I really need to do to be happy.

6. The decision to move made us appreciate all the great things (and people) in California.

7. Visited Justine in St. Louis. We both had big moves this summer!

8. Learned the value of my worldly goods once I had to cram them into a moving van and downsize my living space.

9. Created a respectable career wardrobe that didn't consist of t-shirts or jeans.
10. Read so many books and saw so many movies about vampires and I'm still into the genre

11. Made serious progress with the dissertation. The end is in sight.

12. Learned that driving across country with two pets and spending at least 120 hours in a row with my husband for company proves that I at least made one excellent decision in my life. We didn't fight once, and we laughed more than bitched. That's love, folks.

Happy New Year!
May 2011 be better than 2010

Christmas Eve Feast -The Plan

2010-12-20T20:11:00.000-08:00

I know it's too much food. I know it's overkill. I'm aware that I may be filling a deep hole in myself by cooking delicious dishes. SO WHAT!?

Here's the plan.

Who knows what will actually work out!?

I can tell you that I'm making turron from scratch, which is crazy. Crazier than having 5 types of appetizers when only 5 people are going to be at my party? Maybe. But will it be awesome to know, in the post-apocalyptic world, that I can make it from scratch? Yes. I told my mother this plan and she honestly had never thought of the idea that it could be homemade. She just assumed turrones were created in labs and sent out during Christmastime, or made from fairy dust. If you don't know what they are, you could Google it, but I will probably explain it once I document the whole shebang next week for the blog. Miss you guys! Happy Holidays!

Old Thoughts

2010-12-13T18:23:00.000-08:00

Holy hell you guys, I haven't written anything substantial for the blog in forever. I've got so much going on and work leaves me pretty tired. Enough with that. Now on to today's post, which is about my case of the Olds.

It's being around young folks that makes you understand that you are one of the middle aged. People my age have kids, families, well established careers, and mortgages. I don't have any of those things, and yet still I find that my perspective is much different than it was in my 20s. I have noticed over the past few years that my thinking has changed. I've always been a cranky pants, but there are a few things that I've noticed are new. Here are a few choice examples:

1. Chairs are expensive.
Why are chairs so expensive? I get that they require a bit more engineering than a sofa or a table, but damn. One chair for a dining room table can run you $100. The table is less than half the price of the four measly chairs you'll need. This thought (and the sub-thoughts that follow) is not something I would have thought even 10 years ago. Because at 23, I would have told you that chairs are cheap. Chairs, you see, you can buy at garage sales or on Craigslist. Chairs are sometimes free if you look around your neighborhood. Old Sweet Lady does not believe in the cheap chair. She thinks cheap chairs make your house look like a college apartment. And she doesn't want to live in a college apartment. This could be the suburbanization of Sweet Lady, but I like to think it's an appreciation of well made things, things that you know, actually last. Because you actually take care of them. Maturity!

2. What the hell is salvia?
I have to say, I was absolutely horrified to find that there is a new drug kids are using to get high and I had to find out via Miley Cyrus. Because I'm so old and removed from degenerates that I now find out about the underworld via "the news." In my day, parents found out about shocking new ways kids endanger themselves via the news program 20/20. Weekly, Barbara Walters, Hugh Downs, and that jerkoff John Stossel would scare the hell out of my parents and I'd deal with the aftermath. Concerts? People get trampled to death at those. Driving at night? You could be the victim of a number of attacks via gang members, con men, rapists dressed up as police. Now I'm one of those people. I thought kids were all getting high off Nyquil and 7-Up. That's so 8 years ago, apparently. Oh, and to add insult to injury, I misread the word "salvia" and thought Miley Cyrus was taking bong hits of "saliva." I was like "These kids are OUT OF CONTROL!!"

3." If we head out to the bar at 8:30, we're sure to get seats! AND since we're going out so early, we'll be home and cozy in bed by midnight."
I was embarrassed about this one at first, but I'm so not ok with standing all night. Don't care if it's old. And it IS. Since I can only handle so many cocktails in my old age, going out early means coming home early. I haven't seen the lights go on at the bar in a while. And I'm honestly fine with it. I'm married. There's a theory out there that I shouldn't even be at the bar taking up valuable single person real estate. Regardless, it's a step away from "it's too loud in here."

4. I hope I get that bonus check. It's going straight into the bank!
The days of living paycheck to paycheck are not gone, I'm still broke as hell, but in the past a bonus check would have been a license to buy something new or take a trip. Now I'm excited about putting some cash into the savings. This one hurts, but it's true.

5. I think about my 401k and if I should roll over all my other retirement accounts into my new one or if I should just wait until I have a stable job and just roll them all over into that one. It's so boring that I have no commentary. OLD.

6. Short skirts are not an option.
I think about adding fabric to skirts that I buy because there are apparently no a-line skirts that hit the knees available for sale. In the world. Seriously. I have a skirt that is pinned to a piece of fabric that will serve as a band around the bottom. A modesty panel, if you will. What is up with every skirt ending at mid-thigh?! Answer: Maybe you should stop shopping at Delia's, you delusional old lady! Maybe now it's time to go to the career section at Kohls or Macys. NEVER!!!!!

So now you know. Any old thoughts that you have would be greatly appreciated in the comments. I'd like to know I'm not alone!

Sorry

2010-12-02T18:23:00.001-08:00

Before Call Waiting
Originally uploaded by retro-space

workworkworkworkwork dinner, need to blog, guilt about blog, walk dog, need to write, guilt about dissertation, cocktail, write, listen to podcast, sleep, workworkworkworkworkwork workworkworkworkworkwork workworkworkworkworkwork workworkworkworkworkwork workworkworkworkworkwork workworkworkworkworkwork workworkworkworkworkwork workworkworkworkworkwork workworkworkworkworkwork workworkworkworkworkwork workworkworkworkworkwork workworkworkworkworkwork workworkworkworkworkwork workworkworkworkworkwork dinner, need to blog, guilt about blog, walk dog, need to write, guilt about dissertation, cocktail, write, listen to podcast, sleep, SORRY. I'll be back soon.

Harry Potter & My Lovely Husband

2010-11-21T20:07:00.000-08:00

Work is still exhausting and ridiculous, so I haven't seen HP7 yet. I didn't exactly do anything important this weekend that would have prevented me from going to see it, but I didn't really want to see it on opening weekend with a million other people. I was looking into going after work one day this week as a sort of gift to myself. So I looked into it and it's playing closest at the IMAX theater in the Franklin Institute, which is supposed to be a really cool way to see a movie. Giant screen. All that jazz. And walking distance from my apartment. I've never seen a movie there, so I posted a status update on Facebook inquiring if anyone had and if it was worth the exorbitant ticket price.

My dear husband saw the post and asked me if I wanted to go with him sometime this week. Like, together. Both of us. Here's how it went down:

M: "You want to see that movie? Maybe we could go this week after you get home from work."
Sweet Lady: "You want to go with me to see Harry Potter?"

M: "I know you want to see it. I'll go with you."

Sweet Lady: "That's very sweet but you don't have to do that."

M: "It's a cool place to see a movie. I'd totally go."

Sweet Lady: "You'd go to see Harry Potter, a movie about magic and wands and spells and elves? A movie that's 140 minutes long?

M: "That's over 2 hours!"

Sweet Lady: "A movie that is the 7th installment in a story you have never once read or seen?"

M: "Yeah I'm not going to that."

Sweet Lady: "You're adorable though. That counts."

Things Your Office Cleaning Crew Never Tells You

2010-11-16T18:35:00.000-08:00

When I was a pre-teen, my mom embarked on a business venture with her sister cleaning offices. My grandmother had cleaned hotel rooms, and they knew they could make a tidy sum cleaning after people, but they didn't want to clean homes. So they decided to focus on offices entirely. Offices in industrial parks, nail salons, auto parts stores, wherever people worked and needed cleaning, they did the job. The business was successful for years, and my mom can credit a mild case of carpal tunnel to wringing towels. My brother often helped out, and I worked too a few times. Now that I'm back in an office full time, I have been thinking about the people who see the place when I'm not there. I remember my reactions and the reactions of fellow cleaning folk.

Here are things your office cleaning crew never tells you:

1) Critical Eyes
Your cleaning crew judges you for how disgusting you are. It's true. And people in offices are disgusting. They don't know these people who come to clean late at night, so they feel no shame.

2) Why Are You Here?
They definitely hate when you are there after hours, i.e. when they are coming in to clean. This means now they have to judge you silently and come together later to compare notes. Not cool. Go home so they can make the appropriate face when they see your dirty coffee mug.

3) Dirty Mugs Are A Plague
On the subject of that mug, it's just gross. I remember seeing a lot of dirty coffee mugs. Just clean your mug before you go home! Or dump it if it is forever stained brown from 8 years of coffee. It's also really grody when you leave that just-rinsed not soap-and-hot-water cleaned cup around, like it's waiting for someone else to take care of it. Just thinking of those mugs makes me want to go wash all my mugs right now in 100 degree water.

4) If your desk is a mess of papers and junk, it won't get cleaned.
Seriously, don't be surprised that you have a layer of dust all over everything, because if it looks like a storm of crap on your desk, nobody will clean it for fear of getting blamed when something inevitably gets lost. These are usually the people that complain that the cleaning crew never really cleans anything. They aren't secretaries. They aren't going to understand how to pile your handwritten notes or be able to remove everything and place it back exactly. Invest in some organizing trays or suffer dustbunnies!

5) This is another reason to not leave money or valuables out.
I am not saying cleaning crew will steal your stuff, that's not really likely. What will happen, however, is your coworker will steal your stuff. Why? They have the perfect scapegoat in the faceless people who clean offices. All of whom are viewed as easily replaceable. So if you don't want to seal the fate of some innocent person, don't be lazy and put your stuff away.

6) Post-it Notes are Evil and Should Be Banned
Now, I don't believe in this one as an office employee, but if you clean offices, one thing you learn is that post-it notes, especially the small ones, suck! On the floor they get stuck and don't come up with broom or vacuum. People toss them into their trash bins, which means they stick in the bin and have to be pulled out by hand (gross), or they stick to the liner. Liners can sometimes be reused, especially if all that's in the trash is paper. You can save on buying liners (most cleaning services provide their own supplies) if you conserve. But if you empty out the bin and there's a ton of stickies, you can't fool people into believing they are getting a fresh liner every day. So you have to account for the damn things. My memory of this annoyance is so clear that to this day I fold every Post-it before it goes in the trash.

7) You are allowed to clean your own disgusting phone handset, mouse, and keyboard. These are the most icky things that people in offices deal with every day. And because you can't just have a tub of bleach wipes handy, the cleaning crew has to wipe up your 8 layer cake of foundation, and your grubby greasy finger prints. I know they are hired to clean up, but we're talking CSI levels of evidence, here.

8) Paper clips on the floor can destroy a vacuum, and most cleaning services have to buy industrial vacuums. They tend to be on the expensive side. What kind of confetti parade of paper clips is going on in these offices? Are they free or something? Because they get thrown everywhere like nothing.

9) Bathrooms in offices are horrifying part 1. Just let it be known that two things need to happen on the daily. You need to wipe the seat if you piss on it. That seems like a 21st century given, but I guess not. And it goes for guys as well as ladies who "hover" and have some splash back as a result. Also, you need to deal with the mess you make if you go #2. There are usually cleaning supplies in a bathroom. Check it out folks.

10) Bathrooms in offices are horrifying part 2. Oh, forgot, 3 things need to happen. Ladies, wrap up those discarded tampons and pads in tons of toilet paper. You know who cares about the environment less than you? The person who has to fish your bloody tampon from the bottom of the trash can because you just tossed it there without there even being a liner there. Are you some kind of animal? Is this something people don't know? Wrap that shit up. Triple wrap it if your office is cheap like mine and has see-through toilet paper. Your art-school friend who makes paintings out of menstrual blood is not cleaning up after you at work, ok.

That's all for today. 2 posts!

Early Riser

2010-11-16T04:51:00.000-08:00

I think I may have turned a corner on to Olds street, because not only do I get up early every day, I get up earlier than necessary. I get up in time to have breakfast before I leave the house. This, if you know me, is unheard of. In years past I would gladly scarf down a granola bar and wait until lunch to have a real meal if it meant 15 minutes more of sleep. Nor could I have a decent conversation or formulate thoughts. All along our road trip this was how we both entered the world each day.

But these days, I'm up and showered and ready to go and now I'm even blogging. Yes, awake enough to form sentences! Crazy. What is this about? Will I be one of those people who has dinner at 3:30 and gets into bed at 8pm? All I know is that I wake up every day before my alarm. I don't know if I'm ready for "the change" you guys. Maybe it's just a phase.

Perspective

2010-11-10T19:34:00.000-08:00

Been a long time, folks, but I'm doing good for a change. Normally, food poisoning does no good for nobody, but with me, it was like a cleansing.

Yes, I got food poisoning.

Yes, this was after posting about the soul-sucking job and being trapped in an elevator.

I did wonder if I was cursed in some way. For the first 3 hours I was continuously vomiting, I thought, "this is because I don't really believe in God, right? Amirite!?!"

But after the 5th hour, I had some time to evaluate my life. You know, you can only spend so much time thinking "oh my god, how much longer do I have to do this?" I decided that, even though it was the office's favorite lunch spot that poisoned me, I needed a new outlook. I don't have the luxury of selecting from a bevy of ethically superb jobs that will pay me enough to get by. I was a good professor, and I loved my job, and it had a lot of benefits, but it was also draining, paid very little, and took up a lot of my time. Having 200 students a semester who email you constantly, whose papers all need to be graded, whose exams need detailed comments, it was hectic. I have to be thankful for a job that pays more than my old job and requires less intellectual work, less emotional investment.

Not to say that I'm not emotionally invested. I've talked to a lot of people about my new job, and my mom gave me excellent advice. She's the kind of person who believes that things happen for a reason. Sometimes I am too. She said that there is a reason for me to be there. Something I need to learn, something I need to teach someone, some purpose that I should keep in mind. I thought about that. Of all the departments, I was placed in the one department that helps people try to keep their homes. I can make decisions that make it easier for people to keep their homes. I can ask, per my discretion, for the process to remain on hold, for an extremely short window, while people get enough money together to not have their houses sold out from under them. That's some powerful stuff. It's possible that this source of medical insurance and paycheck may be somewhat less alienating than I originally thought.

When my parents divorced, my brothers and I moved out of our house with my mom and my dad lived in the house. He stopped paying the mortgage and it went into foreclosure, giving my mom bad credit for a long time, and making things in general more difficult for all of us. Maybe my experience will give me the empathy that people will need when I'm on the phone with them. Maybe there is a reason this is all happening.

I had this epiphany on the floor of my bathroom. I was there all night, and then spent the next two days recovering. I've never had that bad a case of food poisoning. But after that ritual cleansing, I ended up feeling good about the future. I had an excellent weekend, wherein M and I relaxed and hung out and watched Machete and Nick Swardson's new standup special. I went back to work on Monday and selected a very upbeat playlist for the day and had a good day. I'm getting better at my work and I'm doing good writing when I get home in the afternoon.

Maybe it's not so bad. Maybe it's more like Wolfram & Hart than even I could have predicted.

Elevatored

2010-11-02T18:15:00.000-07:00

Dude, seriously, what the hell is going on? After my "sad week" I thought things were on the way up because Halloween was awesome! I had a great time, I had a cool costume, it was COLD so my costume didn't make me sweat like costumes have every year of my life.

Here we are at the bar:

I was a cat burglar. Get it? A cat that burgles? I guess you can't see it too well, but I am wearing a black turtleneck, black jeans, boots and leather gloves. I had a bit of rope attached to my belt, a leather mask and fluffy cat ears. I made the money bag too!

The outside of the bag is white felt with a black felt dollar sign. I wanted it to be my purse for the night so I decided to make it a little thicker and more sturdy by adding a layer of white muslin and a lining. The inside of the bag is lined with a bright day of the dead fabric. It all ties together with a black ribbon that I tied around my wrist. An excellent way to carry a purse with a costume. I always feel like purses ruin costumes!

We had a great time at Sugar Moms, which is fast becoming our local bar. Not walkable, but still cheap, with surly bartenders, and a crowd that isn't too yuppified.

So that was Saturday night, and Sunday was actually Halloween. I didn't go out again, but we walked the dog in his little costume! I saw a ton of kids walking around trick or treating in my neighborhood. I haven't seen that many kids out in a few years. Maybe it's the neighborhoody part of the city we live in, with lots of row homes. There are plenty of kids to go out and plenty of houses that leave lights on for the kids. So cute.

And then I got stuck in the elevator.

Yes, my building tried to eat me alive. I took the dog out for his last walk at 9:45, and as we went back up in the elevator around 10, it did a funny thing. It stopped at my floor and made a big "clank clang ping" noise. And the door wouldn't open. I press the "door open" button, naturally. Nothing. I then realize that something is wrong. Of course, I don't have my cell phone with me.

I'm only at the 3rd floor though, so I figure I should send the car back down to the ground floor and maybe that door will open. And if there is something wrong, I'm not falling from three floors up. I go down, and it still doesn't open. Even more fun, at each floor that "clang" noise happens, and it causes the elevator car to sway a bit. So I'm starting to realize the elevator is broken. I press the call button and get the front desk, they send someone out right away. Three guys from maintenance try and pry the door open, but it takes an hour before I'm let out of there, during which someone calls the elevator to the 12th floor and someone else to the 3rd, making it sway and clang all the way up and down.

Luckily, I had my dog with me. This made things good for two reasons. 1) I had somebody to talk to so I wouldn't go insane, and 2) I had to make sure he wasn't freaked out, so I had to act calm and maintain. He was shaking and concerned about all the noise, but didn't cry or bark, even when they had to use excessive force to open the door. They didn't use the jaws of life. More like the big screwdriver of life, to pry apart the broken piece that held me captive. Not exactly a harrowing ordeal, but dude, I thought I'd be in there for a long time.

In the elevator, while I listened to two guys try to figure out an elevator they knew little about, I had time to think about things. I could have easily been like "why me, harumph, life sucks," and be a big debbie downer, but instead I had some humor about it. I was immensely thankful that I didn't download the M. Knight Shyamalan movie Devil, about people who get trapped in an elevator with the devil. I was happy that I only live on the third floor, so if I never wanted to enter that elevator again, I wouldn't have to.

I also thought, and this is a big revelation, that this has gotta be the effing low, right? I mean, I think I have accrued some points, and good things will be happening in the near future. I think that things will look up. Because if they don't, I'm going full devil worshipper/witch/voodoo priestess and I'm gonna send out some negative vibes into the universe. I'm going to cast spells, and I'm going to hoard prizes all to myself, and I'm never going to turn in wallets that I find on the street, and I will focus anger and hatred on my enemies via demon worship. So, clearly I'm going to win a million dollars or a unicorn will arrive to take me to work each day. You should totally be friends with me now, so when I ride by on my unicorn (kind of a pegasus unicorn combo, like Rainbow Brite used to ride), I can totally take you to work too. I think the elevator made me crazy.

Rainbows and cultural sensitivity (spearheaded by a little white girl) for everyone!

Wolfram & Hart

2010-10-31T12:23:00.000-07:00

Long break from blogging, I know. But when I tell you why, you will forgive me.

I had my ultimate stress dream a few nights ago. It's a recurring dream, but it isn't always the same, it just has similar events portrayed differently. It's always about a plane crash. I'm never on the plane, I see it crashing down from a distance. I am usually watching the burning plane crash into something. This past one was crashing into my apartment building. It usually indicates that I am feeling very overwhelmed.

What's overwhelming? Looming dissertation deadline and the new job. The whole point, mind you, of a non-academic job was to get something that wouldn't weigh on me at home. Something that, once I got the hang of it, would be soothing in its repetition. I had imagined legal assistant work as fast-paced, with lots of editing and attention to detail. I wasn't prepared for the psychological toll.

First of all, I work for Wolfram & Hart. OK, I don't actually work for the fictional law firm from Angel, but I signed a statement indicating that I would reveal nothing that happens at my job to anyone ever. Standard privacy protection lawyer stuff. So, Wolfram & Hart is how I will refer to them here. The law firm is actually filled with very nice people, not demons. My department in particular has some really supportive, sweet people. We all work for mortgage demons, though.

I work for a law firm that represents banks that are foreclosing on peoples homes. My job in particular, is to talk to people (by phone) who are trying to find out how much they have to pay in order to reinstate or pay off their mortgage. The number is usually somewhat ridiculous. And usually it has to be paid within a month. Most people who have reached the point where the bank has decided to foreclose don't have the money. And most of them are feeling overwhelmed by all the things that led them to the point where they are talking to me. I also calculate the amount of money they are inquiring about. It takes days of inquiry to get all of the different costs and fees associated with a foreclosure. Every bank and every county has different rules, dollar amounts, and ways of applying them.

It's a job that is demoralizing and, in another twist of the knife, uses math skills that I haven't really used in a while. I'm the kind of person that doesn't even like calculating the tip at a restaurant. I'm using my reserve brainpower. All this leads me to come home and want to go immediately to sleep. I ride the bus home. I'm one of those people on the bus that looks depressed. Just staring into space with a vacant look.

Last week, on Monday, I decided that I would go right after work to an academic library and do an hour or two of diss. work before I head home. That way, I would go home feeling better, I'd get work done before laying down on the couch and snoozing, and maybe I'd be an actual human being for my husband, who has taken on all of the household duties. All of the college libraries here are locked up tight. Student IDs required to get into the buildings. Their websites say so. Penn was nice about it, claiming that if you wanted into their library and you weren't a student, you could pay them $400 for an ID. WTF?! Drexel's website, however, didn't say anything about it. So I went to Drexel after work. It involved riding the subway, taking the trolley, and a bus! I get all the way there and there's a damn security gate where Drexel IDs are necessary to enter. I tried to talk to the guard, and he said there are visiting hours until 5pm each weekday. It was currently 4:30. So I ran around the library, taking pictures of an entire chapter of a book I needed with my iPhone, and then tried to make my way home.

No, the saga doesn't end here. I got bad google directions and didn't go to the bus stop I needed to. Instead, I walked (far) to one I knew would take me home, only to encounter two buses too full to take any passengers. When I finally got home, I was ready to cry. Luckily, my husband had made a beautiful dinner. Arroz con pollo from my grandmother's recipe. So sweet! I settled in, tried to decompress. Enjoyed a lovely and much needed dinner. Snuggled with my dog. Kissed my husband. And then my laptop died. It would be a week before I could get a new hard drive installed and was able to write again. When it rains, it freaking pours.

So I haven't really felt like (not to mention have the hardware required for) blogging!

I am working on dealing with this job situation mentally. I'm trying to adjust my caffeine intake so that I come home less tired and can make an evening out of my after-work time. I also set aside time for art this week. I haven't been inspired at all recently, so I'm trying to work on that. I cooked a meal, which was definitely a way to feel better. And Halloween (which is today, but I celebrated last night) lit up my weekend. I'm trying to be positive and to not let work be all that I am, but it is a struggle.

So if I'm not blogging much lately, that's probably the reason. Something's gotta give, folks.

New Job

2010-10-20T19:46:00.000-07:00

It has been a loooong time since I have worked in a regular office. Not a library or a university, but a corporate office. Wow. I am beat. It's Wednesday night and I'm wishing desperately for Friday, the day when you are set free. Free! Two days of glorious freedom. I long for it so. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for the job and the upcoming medical coverage, but I forgot how soul-sucking life in corporate America is. My office isn't more soul-sucking than any other. And it's a big enough firm that I don't feel like it resembles the show The Office in any way. Well, maybe a couple of ways. But the people are super nice. Time card technology sure has changed. I type in a code number and then a machine scans my palm to verify my identity. Like freaking futuristic spy stuff. But the job itself isn't fulfilling like my other jobs have been. Maybe when I get further into it, I'll find something to love. Mostly it consists of math and "dealing with difficult people via phone" skills. I honestly don't know how I got placed in my department, unless it's one of the universe's funny jokes. Har har universe. Right now, though, I love paychecks. I mean, I love them so much! I can't wait for my first one. I'm going to get myself a manicure and a pedicure and after I'm going to have one of the big blended mocha frappachinos while I read a new magazine. Mmm.....can't wait.

I take the bus every day. I am a bus person now. In LA, bus people are a whole different deal. I would never have taken the bus in LA. I would have made someone drive from 50 miles away to pick me up if necessary. It wouldn't even have occurred to me. And had I called someone 50 miles away, they'd be bummed on having to make the drive, but asking me to take the bus or even referring to it would not have been an option. The buses there generally were believed to have held degenerates, weirdos, and homeless folk who like talking to themselves. The only buses I ever road in California were in San Francisco (aka Sweet Lady's fantasy dreamland).

Here, though, the bus is the major mass transit. The subway is actually not as useful. I haven't been on it once. Trains do run out to the further outlying areas of the city, and up and down the two major arteries, but the bus is how you get around. People are generally nice on the bus, but once I got on as school was getting out and had to sit amongst 30 teenagers. Teenagers are frightening just in theory, so to be so close to them created a super frown, like a Charlie Brown super frown. I had to hear them talk. About movies, dating, cell phones, and football. Thank god for vodka.

Generally, I am brain dead when I get home. Yesterday, I got into bed with my laptop at 8:30 and had to put it down and go to sleep at 10. What a baby. I gotta toughen up. At least there are perks. Yesterday we were all let go early at 3:30, which I was told was a really rare circumstance. The reason? The Phillies are in the playoffs. And when I left the office and entered the streets, it was full of people also leaving work. It looked like 6pm out there. Everyone took off to go see the game. Nutz.

Sigh, I actually have to stop tying this now because I have to go to bed soon so I don't wake up haggard. I'm trying to look professional and not too shell shocked. Nobody has seen my tattoos yet. I'm establishing "nerd identity 001" for the first few weeks.

Good luck with the rest of the week people. I'm blogging sporadically until my brain resumes normal functions.

The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane

2010-10-18T17:41:00.000-07:00

I love reading anything about the Salem witch trials. While at Barnes & Noble, I came across a book on the discount fiction table and was instantly in love. If you liked The Historian and read paranormal fiction, this would be a great little novel to read.

It's about Connie Goodwin, a graduate student who just passed her doctoral exams in the history department at Harvard. She has a summer before embarking on her dissertation, and rather than doing research like she planned, she ends up having to take charge of repairing and selling her grandmother's long abandoned house near Salem.

She happens upon a key in an old 17th century family bible in one of the rooms that has a small slip of paper in the hollow that reads: Deliverance Dane. Connie sets out to find out who or what this paper means and in the process learns about her family's connection to the Salem witch trials. What follows is part intellectual quest, part family history, part magical experience.

It was nice to read a stand-alone book. It was nice to read a historical novel by someone well versed in the history. Kathleen Howe is herself a descendant of two of the Salem witches and holds a doctorate in American and New England studies.

And wonder of wonders, not one vampire in the whole novel.

In other news, today was my first day at work. Not much happened, I'm exhausted, but employed, so yay! I don't have new employee orientation until tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure it's exactly like working in every other office in America. And maybe Canada.

In the words of some of my new coworkers, see youse tomorrah!

Employed at Last

2010-10-13T15:21:00.000-07:00

You heard me, I got a job! In the weirdness of the world, I managed to get a job as a legal assistant. It's not teaching, but I can see myself doing it for a good while. Especially since I saw what my first student loan payment looks like. Boy if I could go back in time, I'd change a bunch of crap. I am working right smack dab in the middle of downtown, in a building that overlooks Love Park and is one of the stops on the route my building's shuttle takes through the city every day. So no need to use a car, and no need to pay for taxi or a bus. So nice! It's close enough that if there were some kind of snow storm, I could walk home, too. Though the thought of that kind of makes me twitch a little. But my interviewer related to me that there were a couple days last winter where bus service shut down. Yikes.

Anyway, the stress of not having income is now lessened. My job should be able to take care of rent and bills, and when M finally gets steady work, we will be able to save. I am just glad I'll be out in the world again. I thought I'd be bummed on leaving academia (albeit temporarily), but I realized yesterday that it will be nice to be around a regular office. Academics tend to operate by themselves, and it can be kind of lonely without the oversight and camraderie of cubicle mates. I am one of those people that has always liked cubicles. I know, it's supposed to be horrible, but it is your own little cube of space! No sharing! And you know I'm going to make it mine. I may wait a bit before bringing out the super weird things. Just until they realize I'm not a serial killer or satanic cult member.

Best thing about being newly employed? I need to buy office wear! I was really lax on the office wear as a professor. I often wore jeans (nice ones, but still, so not professional). I will be working in an "office casual" environment, but I have very little of that stuff that looks nice anymore. What I do have are lots of fun t-shirts. And I think I've been wearing the same jeans-and-t-shirt ensemble since the spring semester ended in May. So today, M and I went to the mall. Glorious! Here is a sampling of what I got:

I got this cute short sleeved jacket at Charlotte Russe.

These two tops from the Gap, where I also got a couple pair of slacks. Their Curvy sized stuff rules, and I needed a pair of black and a pair of grey, since I already have a nice pair of navy pants. I just bought a pair of nice dark jeans too, for "casual Friday," yes they have one! So odd!

At H&M I got a couple of button up cardigans and a nice navy shirt. After a final trip to Victoria's Secret for the only bras in the universe that I like wearing, I was done. M was a real trooper, helping me choose stuff and in general being supportive.

I have plenty of accessories and a lot of nice work shoes, but I really needed some basics. Plus, I want to feel all classy and stuff during my first week. Walking around in my interview suit on Tuesday made me feel like a person. And when you have a suit on, people tend to acknowledge your existence. Even if you're brown! It was kind of awesome.

My job seems like it will be mostly about paperwork and research related to cases the law firm is working on. I'll tell you the story of the firm's specialty another time, but the office culture there was interesting. The first person I met was an HR person who walked me through benefits, pay, days off, stipends for transportation (I get $50 for bus fare!) and provided me with the amazing news that if hired, I would be able to get health insurance within the first month of working. Sweet. Then I walked through the place, which has a free gym for employees, with a trainer. The gym overlooks love park from the 14th floor. Such a pretty view! They offer different kinds of schedules, allowing you to work 8-4, 8:30-4:30, 9-5. Must be nice for parents who have to get kids off to work and then deal with public transportation.

I start on Monday. Wish me luck!

The Day I Touched Nature

2010-10-10T12:12:00.000-07:00

These are pumpkins in their natural habitat. Who knew it wasn't cardboard boxes, right? For my mother-in-law's b-day, we ventured back in time in more ways than one. Not only did we visit a farm that still uses an early 19th century cash register and scale, we visited the pumpkin farm that my husband's family has been visiting since they were kids.

Do you know how much pumpkins cost when you don't have to have them shipped all over the country? We bought 6 pumpkins, all of varying sizes from large to small, for $22. You go out into the patch and pick your own. Tons of people were there with their kids. It was very cute.

At the front of the patch there was a box of picked small and mini pumpkins.

And since it was real actual nature there were bugs there:

There were fun pumpkin anomalies

I was doing good, trying to be all "nature is awesome" as you can see by this photo:

And then I realized there were bees everywhere. Bees! I hate bees. I had never been stung by a bee my whole life until I was 30, when a baby bee (or a really small bee) stung me in the neck! I went to the Long Beach farmer's market and as I got into the car to go home I felt something prickly on my necklace. I pulled off a bee from my neck and the stinger was still in there. I had always had a healthy fear of them, since I wasn't too sure whether or not I would have an allergic reaction. Given how every single insect bite has given me hives or welts, I should probably have figured it wouldn't go well.

Most people get a red sore spot for a few days. I had a red neck (har har) for about 3 days, then it calmed down. Apparently, teaching got it angry, because in my Wednesday afternoon class, I started to feel hot and itchy and noticed that my students eyes were getting wide and they weren't looking at my face so much as my neck. Just before I let them go, I asked "Is there something going on in this area here?" and pointed to my neck. A lot of nodding heads and scared looks. Crap. I revealed my bee sting tragedy to them and asked if it was normal or if I was going to die. These kids have Google, they know shit I don't know. One gal has the kind of bee sting allergy where your throat closes up and you can actually die, and she told me that what I had was very very bad, but not a true allergic reaction, which would have happened days before.

So I went to my lovely HMO pharmacy, hoping to get some kind of relief. The pharmacist told me that the next time I get stung, it might be worse, and that probably after that I'd always have to carry an epi-pen that I could use to stop the reaction at the moment I realize I've been stung. Fun!

This long winded story should give you the context for why, at the beautiful pumpkin patch, while we were supposed to be basking in the glow of nostalgia, sun, and autumnal splendor, I was freaking the eff OUT. Partly because of the pain and fear of the unknown allergic reaction, but also because I have no health insurance. Bees were my mortal enemy and I needed to be free of them. As we were about to weigh our pumpkins, I noticed they were crowding around the people in line and the tons of pumpkins clustered together. I quickly made my escape. I was trying hard to be nice and not ruin it, but damn, I needed to get into the car fast.

These were our final selections:

Did you know that prior to sending pumpkins to market, they have to clean off the prickly barbs that are on the stems? That means that when you go to pick up a pumpkin in a patch, you should go for the base not the prickly stem. I did not know this! I have picked up every pumpkin in my whole life (whether from a box at the supermarket or a hay bale in a faux patch) by the stem. That's a freebie kids. You don't need to thank me.

So me and nature tried to make a go of it. I put my best foot forward, I enjoyed parts of it and even swooned over the pastoral landscape of North Hampton a bit. But in the end, I think we're just too different. I'm a city mouse, I guess. There's a silver lining in all this, though. At least I've found a great partner who feels the exact same way. As evidenced by the photo below, M could really just not do this nature crap.

Philly Days

2010-10-08T17:29:00.000-07:00

Been trying to get out and explore now that it is beautiful out. Jacket weather is the best weather. You can walk around without shivering or sweating! Today M. and I decided to try some shops in the Northern Liberties area, and we found some goodies:

The pins and the recipe cards are by boygirlparty.com and the cupcake plate was $8. I got it all at Art Star, a shop that sells indie craft and art stuff. They have a cool website with an online shop!

We smelled something delicious when we got out of the shop so we followed our noses down the street to the Green Eggs Cafe. It seems like it's really new. They had a lot of choices for breakfast and lunch. M. had the lox and bagel, I had the crab cake sandwich:

Both were yummy.

We got home and I got busy cleaning. Tomorrow we are celebrating my mother-in-law's birthday by spending the afternoon at a pumpkin patch and then going to dinner. The pumpkin patch is the same one M's family has been going to since he was little, so I'm super excited to go! I will bring the camera, so pictures are forthcoming. After the pumpkin patch, we're coming home to relax a bit and then meeting at Distrito, one of Jose Garces' restaurants. Then, we're retreating to our place for cupcakes and watching her open presents. So that's why I spent much of today cleaning. I will be having guests! It is surprising how messy the place gets when you spend all of your time there.

The Phillies are in the playoffs, which is a big freaking deal here. Across from our building there is a small street that has blocked off the street and a neighbor has projected the game onto the wall of the Perleman Museum, so you're hearing the game no matter what. The streets were relatively empty tonight because everyone's indoors watching the game.

We, however, moseyed on down to the Eastern State Penitentiary. No, we didn't go in. They are doing their haunted house and I don't want to go in until it's back to normal. We walked down there because the Cupcake Lady was parked across the street, and I had to try one of her cupcakes.

For those that don't know, the Cupcake Lady sells cupcakes out of a truck. It's one of the few food trucks that Philly has, and she's pretty popular. A lot more popular after her truck was impounded when she parked it somewhere she wasn't supposed to (though it seems she didn't have clear instructions about where it was not OK to park). That's right, she parked her truck to sell cupcakes, and cops came and didn't just ticket her, they towed the truck. With cupcakes inside. Totally ridiculous. As a result, the incident was covered in the newspaper and I started following her on Twitter. When we heard she was in Fairmount, we went over.

We both got red velvets, and they were really, really tasty. Light and fluffy, and the cream cheese frosting was rich and sweet, a perfect complement to the cupcake. And I got to use my new cupcake stand. Pretty awesome day, don't you think?

Cross Post

2010-10-08T08:47:00.000-07:00

I don't usually like to cross post with my Sweet Lady Shop website, but this one's a tutorial and I thought people might get a kick out of seeing how I make these goodies:

Check out Sweet Lady Shop to see how I made this custom retablo:

Library Letdown

2010-10-06T20:28:00.000-07:00

Things are looking up. For one thing, I have a job interview. Not a teaching gig, but it's a job! I'm very excited. I'll tell you all about it after the interview. I am trying not to jinx it too much. But that one phone call propelled me into motion today, making me do like 15 tasks on my to-do list. I even sorted through all of the bills and old mail.

Anyway, on to Library Letdown:

I went to the Free Library of Philadelphia, center city branch, on Monday. It's a gorgeous building:

It is a grand place, built in 1927. Some pics of the interior:

I walked up the grand staircase in the lobby and was in awe:

Maybe because it was a rainy day, or maybe because it's been treated poorly due to budget cuts, but I found the whole building to be pretty depressing. Don't get me wrong, there are tons of books, and it's huge, but once you get into the separate departments, you find that though the architecture is beautiful, it isn't being used to its fullest potential.

Drab green-grey walls and metal bookcases mixed in with older wood bookcases. The saddest part was the art section, which was large but there was no actual art on the walls. In fact, there were no pieces hanging in any of the rooms I went into, even though it was clear there were at one time paintings on the wall. The hooks and nails were all still there. I thought, Ok, it's lost some of its luster, but maybe the collection makes up for it. It's a big collection, don't get me wrong, but it's hard to find any book in the convoluted system they use.

When you get there, the terminals all direct you to the same web search you can do from home, but you quickly find that when you do a search, you aren't in the library where your book happens to be!

This is the search page for the "classic" search method, which usually yields the basic information you need:

Can you tell where you click "search"? No? Well that's because there is no search button. Once you enter a phrase to search, you click "Author, Title, Subject, etc. Those are the search buttons.

Then when you get to the book you are searching for, it's hard to figure out where it is because the location of the item is buried under a bunch of other information:

Right there at the bottom under "Holdings' is where you look to see if it is in the branch you are standing in, and guess what? Nine times out of ten it is in another branch. Look how many branches have Dead Until Dark:

There were two copies held by the Central Library, and neither were available. I get that, it's a popular book, but I found that it can take up to 6 weeks to get it from another library! You can just drive there and pick it up in less time. No information about interlibrary loan was available, and it was hard to find a call number that corresponded to the Library.

Even worse, I walked down to the lobby and saw no signage for a checkout desk. Usually, in any library you walk into, whether they be academic or small public libraries, the circulation desk is clearly indicated. Not so here, I had to go to the "Popular Library" section, where they keep the most popular titles, DVDs, and test reference books. It seemed like a silly, redundant section and was really small. There I found some self-checkout machines and two actual library workers, both dressed in grubby t-shirts and jeans. They looked like they were dressed for moving day and I thought maybe I was in the wrong place. Damn. I could not have gotten away with looking schlubby at the library I worked at. And who would want to!? It may be a low paying city job, but damn if you've given up on looking decent on your way out to work, you should really take inventory. The librarians in the other departments seemed more professional, but why was circulation so laid back?

Two, count 'em, two library weirdos talked to me. I'm a freak-magnet, and libraries are also freak-magnets, so I figured it was par for the course, but these two dudes were heavily strange. One walked by and whispered "looking very cute todayyyyy" so creepily that I thought he must have been singing along to a song, but no, he was looking at me.

Later another one came by as I was doing a search on a catalog computer and said, "Pretty lady, where are you going?" Both guys exhibited crazy, base-head behavior. Smelly, close talkers who I gave the death glare to immediately. The death glare involves a stern face, a raised eyebrow, and the look that I get that says "are you fucking kidding me, asshole?" I gave it a lot in my twenties apparently. It's why I never dated much! It kind of looks like this face that my cat Stevie gives:

One thing I'm learning here, it's to bring out the death glare more often. Sometimes I walk around with it on the default setting. It helps weed out the crazies on the street.

The other day, some random Indian guy came up to me as I was walking to my bus and tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Hi, how are you?" To which I said, "Good?" because who says this if they don't know you other than salespeople, right? He then asked where I was going and if I was Indian. Yes, you read that right, "Where are you going? Are you Indian?" No, sadly, I'm not from India, but the pick-up line used here was superb, no? I told him I was Cuban and he said, "Are you sure?" all quizzically like I'm lying, which if I was, wouldn't you just accept it and leave me alone? I mean, would you really be like, "You are lying, you are in fact Indian and are lying to me. I deserve your time!"WTF!? And so I said, yes, it's true. And then he was disappointed! Dude, seriously? Not only do you have an Indian girls only plan, but you are so bad at deploying it I feel bad about myself. Am I a loser magnet too? People who know me, don't answer that.

Anyway, I checked out one Mexican cookbook and nothing else because they didn't have anything I needed. Not even reference items that were in the catalog. The librarians were all nice and knowledgeable, but seemed a bit stressed. The budget cuts once threatened to shut down all of Philadelphia's libraries, so I can imagine they don't have time or energy to gussy the place up, but it's so sad to see a lovely building not as shiny and beautiful as it could be. In the very city where the first library opened its doors to the public, no less.

Night Turns Into Day

2010-10-05T00:02:00.000-07:00

All of the art in this post is by Natalie Dee

Mornings are tough for the unemployed. Sure, at first you're getting up at a decent hour, showering and getting dressed, making coffee, having a bowl of cereal, checking email and looking for jobs. Then you start staying up later and watching movies until midnight on a Wednesday, so you get up a little later on Thursday. You still make coffee, get that bowl of cereal, look for jobs, writing, what have you, but just a little later. And maybe you save the shower for mid-morning.

You figure out that this could be over any day now. You could get a 9-5 and have to be up when it's still dark out. I mean, like that could happen tomorrow! So you let yourself enjoy a little late night reading and when the bed looks so warm and inviting after taking the dog for a his morning walk, you feel like you should take advantage of this beautiful time and snuggle up with a dog that also looooves sleeping in.

You say to yourself, "don't feel guilty, when you're working this will be a fond memory." You try to push away the realization that while snuggling, you are also anxious, because you really don't have to leave the house today, and that feels weird.

You start to get a little bummed out when you wake up because there's nowhere to rush off to, so you sleep in more and breakfast starts to look a lot like lunch. I swear, I have had days where I get a bunch of stuff done in the morning and keep going going all day. Writing, doing bills, figuring out how to get medical care, junk like that. And then I'll have a totally lazy day where I get up late and take a nap! I have so much time now and it feels like I'm either too anxious to enjoy it. Anxiety, by the way, does not make for good writing. My writing has been really sloppy and I've had the hardest time getting down my thoughts on paper the way I see them in my head. I need a reset button. I'd like to reset to the feeling I had when the apartment was finally free of the last box and my hopes were ridiculously high.

What if I start to get really odd from not having regular decent work relationship contact with people? Like how professors get when they go on sabbaticals that involve researching Civil War-era documents in a library in some small town. I remember one professor I knew looked confused when I said hello after a sabbatical. Not because they didn't know me, but because the situation of being talked to while they were thinking and processing was a strain.

What I'm basically saying here is that I'm not doing bad, but I'm not really doing good. I'm doing OK.

On days where I'm just OK, I'm less likely to post. I've hit a strange point, and not only because it is 3am on a Tuesday (or technically Wednesday). Though in retrospect, maybe check-ins with my psyche shouldn't be done at the witching hour. But having nothing new to write about...sucks. Here's hoping things change soon. I mean, it's Dracula Month so I have that going on. But it would be cool for things to start looking up on any of my fronts, Universe. Yeah, I called the Universe out just now, so what?

Ok, rambletron 3000 has been powered down.....

Maybe tomorrow I'll tell you all about my magical adventures in the nation's first library? Where you can almost hear the ghosts of library patron freaks of the distant past....

New Shoes

2010-10-02T13:19:00.000-07:00

They make everything better, don't they?

DSW, Aerosoles Rolevault bootie in Grey (not black! crazy, right?), down from $70 to $50, and I managed to get $5 off and free shipping.

I walked around old city last night and they were comfy on cobblestones and not slippery at all. I wore them with pants, but if I were going out in them with a skirt, I think some tights are in order. Those are some pasty white legs! My anti-shorts stance does have its drawbacks...

Locket Rings

2010-10-01T10:24:00.000-07:00

I love hiding places that are in plain sight, like books that are hollowed out or fake rocks that hold keys. My mother used to have a couple of locket rings. Several of them held a gel-like perfume that you presumably would dab on your neck and wrists over the course of the day. I noticed that some fellow Etsy members are making these still and started looking for other ones. Yes, I am aware that these are totally cocaine rings, but I prefer to think that you could store other things there, like poison, or a picture of someone you love, or lip gloss.

This locket ring is only $14.50 from Sweet Simple on Etsy. I love the etching!

This neo-Victorian mourning locket ring is a bit pricey at $35, but it's nice and big, like a cocktail ring. If Victorian women in mourning were allowed to venerate cocktails, that is.

This one is actually a bit see through, but can hold a little note or something! I love it.
You Stole My Heart Locket Ring from Milkmoneyshop, $14.

People still make the perfume rings, including Marc Jacobs

It's a bit much, no?

Kat Von D also makes one:

I used to be a fan of Kat Von D, but damn she's just not smart at all. Her show is a diagram of how not to be smart. Don't get me wrong, she's successful and an excellent artist, but she would be a good silent film star, if you know what I mean. Damn I like her Sephora stuff, though...